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Who ate all the spies?
My roleplaying group used to cut loose up to four times a year with seasonal one-shots. It's a tradition that died out in the pandemic never to fully resume, though we still try to fit in a special around Christmas -- almost the only roleplaying I get to do these days.
Fifteen years ago I ran a scenario called “A Long Time Dying”. The idea was based on another Christmas tradition, at least of my childhood Christmases, when there would always be a James Bond movie on TV between Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. I don’t think it’s essential for Christmas movies or Christmas one-shot games to be set at Christmas, although for this scenario I buckled. Cold War stories always benefit from a touch of frost.
The game is set in 1962 and the player-character cast list will give you the general idea:
* “Number Six”
* Illya Nikovich Kuryakin
* Harry Palmer
* George Smiley
* Napoleon Solo
* John Steed
* Simon Templar
I thought that would tell my players what to expect, but I’d forgotten that most of them weren’t born until the 1970s, so probably only Smiley meant anything at all. That may explain why the game veered off into a rather Roger Mooreish arched-eyebrow take on Cold War espionage, but – well, these one-shots were never fully serious. I know a lot of people prefer silly games, but for me there's no point in roleplaying unless you're going to take it seriously. Specials like this, though, are just for fun.
I've changed the scenario title to justify a Shirley Bassey theme song. So here's
**THE RHYTHM DIVINE**
### **Monday, Dec 17, 1962 **
(Music track: Nunc Dimittis by Arvo Pärt.)
_(This is a “pre-title” sequence that is presented to the players without them being present in character. Normally I’d have no truck with such metafictional malarkey, but it’s a one-shot. Come to that, I don’t normally include music tracks in my scenarios either.)_
A railway station near Haskovo, southern Bulgaria. It’s the early morning, just before daybreak. Troops from the nearby 4th Fighter-Bomber Air Base wait in the cold. Gritty snow falls, skittering like dust over the icy cold platform.
Then: the sound of a train horn. Lights appear out of the blue pre-dawn dusk. The train pulls into the station. Red Army soldiers jump down and the two commanders salute each other.
A tarpaulin is removed from one of the carriages to reveal a large bomb, about 8m long by 2m wide, with the single word **царь** painted on the side.
Sergeants shout orders, their voices sounding short-tempered and nervous. A crane is lowered and begins to unload the bomb, which swings wildly to one side, the support frame just missing a row of soldiers who have to throw themselves to the ground.
The crane sweeps across the platform, smacking the bomb into the station wall. The frame buckles and the bomb falls. Absurdly, given the size and nature of the bomb, everyone dives for cover. The bomb strikes the iron-hard ground –
And cracks, with the sound of splintering wood. The Soviet colonel picks himself up, sweeps the snow off his coat, and strides over. In gloved hands he lifts part of the wreckage: painted wood, filled with sand for ballast.
He looks into the east, where the dull glimmer of dawn barely penetrates the heavy shelf of snow clouds, and perhaps imagines the gulag where he will be sent for this.
_Music as we fade to black:On Her Majesty’s Secret Service_
_
_
**THE SETTING: 1962**
This is the year of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Both the USA and the USSR are aware of the need to safeguard against such incidents in the future, so when a new threat emerges only a couple of months later, the best operatives from both sides of the Iron Curtain are assigned to an international team to track down the diabolical mastermind behind it.
NATO
* USA President: John F Kennedy
* GB Prime Minister: Harold Macmillan
* France: President: Charles de Gaulle
* W Germany: Chancellor: Konrad Adenauer
EASTERN BLOC
* USSR First Secretary: Nikita Khrushchev; Chairman of the Presidium: Leonid Brezhnev
* Rumania: General Secretary: Gheorghe Gheorghiu-Dej
* Bulgaria: General Secretary: Todor Zhivkov
NON-ALIGNED
* Yugoslavia Marshal Josip Tito
* Albania First Secretary: Enver Hoxha
* Tunisia President: Habib Bourguiba
**Thursday, Dec 20 **
(Music track: _The Avengers_ theme.)********
Whitehall on a grey morning with snow falling outside. Control waits with **George Smiley** and Colonel Ross. **John Steed** arrives and the introductions are made. A few minutes later, **Harry Palmer** looks around the door – “Late as usual, Palmer,” says Ross irritably, waving him to a chair.
Control relates what Smiley has found out from his Bulgarian contacts about the stolen bomb. Control and Smiley have made an approach to the KGB to assist them in looking for the bomb. The Soviets have agreed, but on the condition that their man will head up the joint operation. Steed, Palmer and Smiley are to fly to Berlin, where they will meet up with two more international operatives codenamed “Tailor” and “Thief”.
* **London to Berlin** : flight 2 hrs.
* **Paris to Moscow** : flight 4hrs; train 36 hours; car 72 hours averaging 60 mph.
* **Berlin to Moscow** : flight 3 hrs; train 27 hrs; car 49 hrs averaging 60 mph.
**Thursday, Dec 20**
(Music: _The Man from UNCLE_ theme.)
It’s mid-afternoon when they reach Berlin. It’s icy cold but not snowing. Their liaison in Berlin is **Dr Franz Six** , a former Nazi who now works for British Intelligence.
Smiley, Steed and Palmer are to make contact with their colleagues at the Adlon Kempinski Hotel. At reception they are told that “Herr Solo” is in the coffee bar. Smiley goes through and nods to **Napoleon** **Solo** just as a man coming in off the street recognizes Smiley, sees that he knows Solo (whom he was coming to meet) and rushes out.
The man is **Otto Vessler** , an East German spy whom Solo has been reeling in for weeks. In the west he poses as an industrialist, but with his cover blown he’s going to make a dash for the Wall. He grabs a motorcycle and the chase is on…
(Music: _The Saint_.)
Halfway through the chase, **Simon Templar** turns up. He’s been tracking Vessler as part of his own private investigation, so may take some convincing to team up with the others.
Their flight leaves Berlin at 5:30, arriving in Moscow at 11:30 pm (ie 3 hours ahead of Berlin time).
**Thursday, Dec 20**
(Music: _Diamonds Are Forever_.)
Midnight in Red Square. Snow on the ground, but a crystal clear sky full of stars above the Kremlin – and among those stars the small but growing collection of satellites launched by the superpowers, including Telstar which was put up in the summer.
They are taken to meet **Illya** **Kuryakin** , along with an academician called Andrei Sakharov, who explains:
“The bomb is based on the Teller-Ulam design and has a yield of 100 megatons. That’s three thousand times the combined yield of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombs – or, to put it in terms of conventional explosive, twenty times the total of all explosives used in WW2. The explosion would cause third degree burns at a distance of 100 km, stone buildings would be destroyed up to 55 km. Two such weapons would equal the detonation of Krakatoa.”
Brezhnev comes in. He’s wrapped up in a thick fur coat and there’s a waft of vodka on his breath. “We have a captive spy at the Black Sea facility. He could be useful and it’s on your way, a bit. You’ll have to spring him, though, as SMERSH will never give the nod to releasing him.”
* **Moscow to Odessa** : flight 2 hrs; train (HSR) 8 hrs
* **Odessa to The Village** : 2 hrs by car
* **Berlin to Moscow** : flight 3 hrs; train 27 hrs; car 49 hrs averaging 60 mph.
Incidentally this is the first time Solo and Kuryakin have met each other. U.N.C.L.E. is still a few years in the future, and in fact this adventure paves the way for its formation.
**THE VILLAGE midday, Dec 21?**
(Music: _The Prisoner_.)
To get **Number Six** away from the village, they need to get past Rover (the Water Balloon Monster):
Whether Number Six’s real identity is John Drake is up to the player to decide.
**THE TRAIN ROUTE**
**10 hours across Romania**
(Music: _From Russia With Love_)
They set out from Kharkiv in the south-west USSR, via Kirovohrad and Chisinau, into Romania at Iasi and then via Bacau and Brasov.
Just beyond Zarnesti in Romania, the train carrying the bomb entered a mile-long tunnel through the Carpathians. Thereafter it went via Bucharest without stopping, crossed the Bulgarian border at Ruse, and from there via Veliko Tarnovo and Stara Zamora to its destination.
_Investigation_ __ inside the tunnel at Zarnesti discovers an apparatus built into the tunnel roof. The mechanism has been removed but it was obviously recently excavated and a large piece of machinery was housed here. Caves lead off from the excavated area.
_Investigation_ : Some discarded screws. Engineer roll to conclude they are West German.
_Investigation_ : Part of the apparatus is found – part of a plate scraped off against the rough walls of the cave, stamped with “CHIRO-” (from Chiroptics GmbH).
_Investigation_ __ by questioning the driver (Engineer Boris Utkin) or officer in charge (Col Yuri Lagunov) reveals that the line was blocked by a fallen tree just after the tunnel, forcing them to stop for about fifteen minutes while it was cleared.
_Investigation_ __ further along the track after the tunnel reveals a disused branch line**** that has been recently uncovered – the line towards Yugoslavia, sealed off when the two countries fell out in the 1950s. It leads to Dubrovnik.
_Investigation_ __ before the tunnel reveals a siding where a train was recently (engine oil on ground). Somebody waited a while (cheroot stubs; Connoiseur roll to identify as 25-cent Marsh Wheeling stogies).
> WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED:
>
> Boswell Brontë’s mercenaries (all ex-US special forces, led by a stogie-smoking WW2 commando called Major Dugan) swapped the bomb for their fake, then when the train had gone they brought up their own carriage, loaded the bomb, went on and used to branch line into Yugoslavia, hooked up with a train carrying the circus troupe, and smuggled the bomb out as fireworks bound for Venice.
_Investigation_ of ships out of Dubrovnik into western ports on Dec 18-19: the _Suske_ , carrying the Carobnaci od Vatromet circus troupe, arrived in Venice on Dec 19.
**Monday, Dec 24**
Venice. A cold wind blows across the lagoon. The local CIA agent is Candy Sweetmeat, a young “swinger” type. She’s eager to please and very nice, so no doubt the bad guys must kill her at some point. (Or try to kill her, if she’s a player-character.)
Boswell Brontë is giving a fireworks display on the Grand Canal on Christmas Eve, which also happens to be the night of the new moon. If the characters attend, they will see Brontë give a rambling speech about how he met his wife “here in Europe” seven years ago tonight. That’s followed by Mrs Brontë lighting a champagne-bottle-styled firework that begins the show.
One part is particularly impressive: the Yugoslav acrobat troupe do a trapeze juggling act over the canal, throwing lit fireworks to each other that are timed to go off in mid-air at the exactly right moment and orientation to create the highlights of the display.
If the characters have been at all indiscreet about their investigations, Miss Hazzard sneaks in while they’re watching the fireworks and plants a bomb in their hotel suite (Observation roll at -5 to spot, character involved only.)
OR
They might sneak into the Brontës’ suite (though in fact they’re going back to the yacht after the show) in which case they may have to deal with Miss Hazzard and an appropriate number of mooks.
EITHER WAY
They get to discover some finely ground glass that seems to have been trodden into the carpet on somebody’s shoes.
_Investigation_ of the glass factory on Murano owned by Chiroptics GmbH discovers glass with microcracks (Observation roll) caused by sonic effects (Physics roll). The sonic equipment itself has been moved out. (This was where Brontë’s scientists worked out the correct array of parabolic reflectors.)
If Brontë needs a rapid departure from the city, either as an outright escape or simply if the referee wants to create a dramatic moment if the characters are closing in with a view to confronting him, he leaves by hydroplane on the Grand Canal.
**CRUISE TO TUNIS****takes********48 hours - > arrive midday Friday 28th**
_Investigation:_ if they talk to Boswell, they discover that he is fascinated by Rome’s struggle for supremacy with Carthage, and how he admires Hannibal – who nearly dealt with “those upstarts”.
The _Jericho_ leaves Venice at 9am on Dec 26 and arrives in Tunis midday Dec 28.
_Investigation:___ Brontë International has a facility 50 miles south of Tunis where they are building arches of various sizes using synthetic rock (similar to sandstone).
* Observation _and_ Physics/Engineer: the arches are curved and would fit together to create a large parabolic surface with a radius of over 50m.
_Investigation:_ the company books show that enough arches were made here to build hundreds of similar parabolas.
* Physics/Engineer roll at -5: An array of such reflectors would have an effect similar to one enormous reflector hundreds of miles long.
* Physics roll at -5: The size of the parabolas suggests they are designed to focus or reflect sound of low wavelength.
_Investigation_ : an Accountant looking into Brontë’s business discovers he has a network of shell companies in the finance sector. On a roll at -5 they can see that many of these companies have been shorting US stocks and bonds.
The opening night of the opera is 8pm on Dec 29. The stage is spectacular, being a floating platform hundreds of feet across set in the bay, complete with replica backdrop of ancient Rome.
The opera is attended by Tunisian President Habib Bourguiba, Foreign Minister Mongi Slim, and King Mohammed Idris of Libya. (There is talk of the two countries merging into one, which would signal a rise in the price of oil, but that’s actually a red herring.)
The opera stage is self-propelled and submersible, docking with Boswell’s undersea base (see below) in which the bomb is located. Of course, at the time the bomb detonates (6am on Dec 31) he plans to be safely inland at his villa in Corsica.
**THE MASTER PLAN**
Boswell plans to detonate the bomb on the sea bed, where an array of parabolic reflectors will direct the resulting pressure wave through the Straits of Gibraltar, and across the Atlantic, where it will create a tsunami that will wreak devastation along the eastern seaboard of the United States. Boswell has heavily shorted US stocks and the dollar, and stands to make billions when Wall Street crashes.
**THE UNDERWATER BASE**
The “stage” docks with the underwater base where the bomb is located. Brontë plans to detach from the bomb housing, return to the surface, escape by helicopter, scuppering the stage so that it sinks to the sea bed with the characters trapped on board.
The characters will need to break out of the stage, survive the pressure (luckily they’re on the saddle of seabed connecting Tunisia and Sicily, not on the deep bed), get to the bomb base, gain entry, disarm the bomb, and return to the surface.
**THE CORSICAN VILLA**
Visitors arrive by helicopter. It’s a replica of Nero’s palace in the Bay of Naples.
**Monday, 11pm, New Year’s Eve:****FINAL JEOPARDY IN MONACO**
Three of the **circus acrobats** come to kill whichever of the characters is “man of the match” – so _out-of-game_ it’s kind of a reward. Think of the final jeopardy scenes traditional in 007 movies.
That character is taking a shower while the others are waiting in the casino. He notices a slight ruffling of the shower curtain as the balcony door is opened and closed.
**Game notes:**
The players were all characters in our long-running Immortal Spartans campaign, although this tongue-in-cheek one-shot was not canonically part of the "real" campaign. That explains the title, "A Long Time Dying", which felicitously both sounds like a Bond title and describes a 2500 year lifespan.
Being Spartans from Thermopylae, all the characters were male even though the players were not. But that fits with the assumptions of high adventure in 1962. If you have players who prefer female characters there are some from the period who you could use, eg Dr Cathy Gale from _The Avengers_.
The scenario originally appeared on my Patreon page; you can join as a free member if strapped for roubles.
The stats are given in GURPS 4e terms because that's what I used originally, but it should be simple enough to adapt the scenario to any system. (Other options: Classified, Cold Shadows, and Mercenaries, Spies & Private Eyes.) I usually don't care for what are now called narrative games (it's good that they encourage improvisation, but I prefer character-playing to storyteller-playing) and the only capers I enjoy are the sort that go on pizzas, but I recently played in a Blades '68 one-shot that was a real hoot and a thorough pleasure, a kind of gaming crossbreed of _Spy_ and _Hudson Hawk_ , and I can't deny that those Forged in the Dark based rules deliver a lot tighter and brisker gaming experience for one-shots. Given that you're only going to be playing these characters the once and they're all daft caricatures of the classic fictional originals, it's barely roleplaying anyway. So why not?
Regarding the music, if you're not a purist then there are some funked-up versions of some of the tracks here.
Finally, if your players attempt to defuse to bomb at the bottom of the Mediterranean, as mine did, here's the track for that.
