BC

[on my deathbed] me: [unintelligible] the doctors: what was that? me: co- come… doctors: *leaning in closer* me: come… my lady… come come… my lady

i bet it feels really good for the knights templar ghosts when a mfer falls into a spike pit looking for the grail

Cujo 2: The Incredible Journey

jon arbuckle clearly reads garfield’s mind so why is this not sci-fi

me: yeah look that's great and almost interesting to some i guess not me though but you don't have to make it your whole personality monday:

he really cooks my fried rice if you know what I mean (he makes great fried rice)

making sure i don’t lose these new followers by never posting again

@schumer.senate.gov killed the good Four Loko and should never be in charge of anything more than picking out his tie

Being type 1 diabetic is easy. You just have to make sure you count your carbs and...*wind blows softly* ...and then everything goes horribly wrong

When you finally pick up what I’m dropping