Top recent posts by Web Professionals on Bluesky

Just sold Robert F. Kennedy Jr. an ounce of the gamy-smelling green pellets I feed my turtle for $1200. "Can you throw in some of the juice?" he asked. It took me a minute to realize that he meant some of the water from the tank. I filled a shot glass with it and he tipped me $100 in cash.

"Sheriff has history of cop-like behavior"

The body language of a man about to say the dumbest shit you've ever heard.

my mom just sent me her sign for tomorrow. no notes.

the people obsessed with "ideological diversity" in online spaces are the same people who experience none in their daily lives

I can think of no better endorsement of the call screening feature than a Threads sales guy saying he’s not sure if he likes it

Not sure why anyone believes "sitting down" will make rampaging cops leave you alone, we have miles of footage to the contrary

starting my new job as king tomorrow. a little nervous obviously but mostly just excited! thinking about hitting the streets to mingle with the hoi polloi, get a feel for what my subjects are up to

not good that the world’s worst leaders have discovered the one weird trick to staying in power (start a new war)

Not going to link to The Free Press but my official comment on this is "lol."

Not really for “for me” if I’m being honest

*material conditions around me are clearly deteriorating, the future looks grim* MY BRAIN: more foghorn leghorn jokes. foghorn leghorn in court. Foghorn leghorn releasing a nasty comedy LP under a fake name

Sherlock Holmes motherfuckers think an "investigation" is the answer to everything, dude you just watched the entire video

look what they took from us

Have you tried eating a truly unsafe amount of tortilla chips and salsa to fix your problems

every time i watch it again i'm amazed at just how quickly Dr. Strangelove gets going at full stride. they send out Attack Plan R within like first few minutes. keeps up a crazy pace for a movie that's almost entirely composed of guys sitting down having conversations

This dude absolutely loves setting billions of dollars on fire

this is how you should fold your pizza

I have a recurring nightmare in which I post dumb jokes to distract myself from the terror of being alive

happy friday to people not doing fascism only

Weeder's gone crazy he's got 40k followers and he's drunk with power he's being rude

I am begging you guys to recognize that leveraging the flag is basically the closest thing to One Weird Trick in American politics because regular people don't hate America like you do

Tyrese Haliburton is really good, and I can see how what I am about to write could read as critical, but there are some subtle but noticeable Jar-Jar Binks Notes to his style that make him extra interesting to watch. He's about as silly-seeming as a player this good can be.

how dare you, after nearly two years of "retaliation" for 10/7 call striking second "crossing a red line" with a straight face. One jew to another, fuck you.

A birthday parade is so fucking embarrassing lmao

the president usually proceeds with some degree of caution, so the rare injunctions are treated with a degree of respect from higher courts and administrative stays rare. trump acts rashly, so he is constantly getting enjoined and that seems "wrong" so he gets the benefit of stays. crazy wins again.

interesting idea but folks should be aware that this is backed by Filecoin, a cryptocurrency

if everyone just got together and agreed not to open any magic card booster packs then every card would be super rare and we could all sell them and get rich

it is ableist to call ben shapiro a child-sized dummy but i'll allow it and they can run the test as often as they like

Not trying to be alarmist and probably goes without saying but if he's wearing anything remotely military tomorrow it's on for real, I mean it's already on for real but it will be like ON on

rawdogging tomorrow’s protest (going w/o a sign)

I hate it when I look up a plant and I have to read like five paragraphs before it tells me that it's an invasive noxious weed. just tell me right at the top of the page if the plant sucks shit or not

someone snapped a photo of our local indie rock star dining at my favorite egg roll joint and I leapt out of my chair because I didn’t know they’d reopened for dine in

They’re going to replace the fluoride in the water with HGH

I don't want anyone to get hurt, but I pray I get to see this happen just once. Best-case scenario it's a car carrier getting blasted. Pow! Last year I was inside a gas station getting snacks and my wife got to see someone drive off with the pump still attached! I've been mad about it ever since

getting a car wash. thought of you.

Kind of encouraging that a new popular genre of Instagram reel is people creatively telling ICE agents to go fuck themselves

i had a ceo once who used to say "it's not the eggs, it's the story of the chicken" and 25 years later i still don't know wtf he meant by that

The people who routinely show up to protests you think are cool are incredibly cringe to regular people. People write songs about this!

my teenage nieces watching my IG stories instructing them to punch a cop

if i were allowed a single rewrite to rogue one it would be to introduce a tragic hero on scarif named manny bothans

Solidarity is a profoundly powerful feeling and I think we spend most of our time starved for it - go and get you some

Fucking brutal shit by Big Bird

Fun to use Poe for this considering he wrote down the reasons for his writing choices in extreme detail, like trying to figure out the ideal subject for a poem using stated formula and such

BREAKING: Crazy Old Lady Loves Donald Trump

one son's right eye is halfway swollen shut and electric red and the other son is nude and covered in blood due to an incident involving castile soap and the dining room table. having a pretty good afternoon. they're actually totally calm about it, i'm the only one upset

Sorry I'm late I was pondering the ephemeral nature of existence and whether anything matters

They say you shouldn't shit where you eat, but here at ToiletSnax™, we do things a little differently.

The definition of insanity is asking elected officials to protect us from a wannabe despot over and over and expecting results

🤖

lmao so it was a set up to brutalize him on air?

was just talking the other day w June about how "remembering the past, literally at all" seems like a superpower in political circles

every friend group has that one lesbian homie with the hella grabbable shirts

I feel like I have a fist pressing down on my brain 24/7

I don't know if SPACEBALLS is "good" but Rick Moranis being a belligerent twirp is genuinely priceless

Hey if some US congress member could move toward dumping the loony demented dumbass who's endangering all humans that would be great

I understand why this doesn't happen but when people are telling you to log off you should log off

IF YOUR WEBSITE SAYS YOU OPEN AT 6:30 YOU OPEN THE FUCK UP AT 6:30. YOU DO NOT POST ON THE DOOR ON A PIECE OF PRINTER PAPER THAT YOU OPEN AT 7:30. THE FUCK YOU DO. YOU OPEN AT 6:30

wELL wHaT's yoUr Plan ThEN rAnDoM gUy On thE InTErNET who lOoKS liKe hE'S iNSaNe

23 months adjusted twin-specific milestone the lads figured out they can give each other piggyback rides

Historian: These events directly mirror the lead up to the Decade of Lamentations Me: I hope the Decade of Lamentations was a good thing

lmao

the idea that authors don't really care or think about the things they are writing about or describing is so fundamentally, obviously absurd to me that like. It's genuinely difficult to imagine the interior life of someone who thinks that

at 11:30am Eastern I will post evidence of why I could never run for public office

The 1999 Thomas Crown Affair is the kind of handsome middle-brow affair that now seems wildly more put-together and stylish then the average movie today, also hey @killjamesbond.bsky.social hiest movie

hell yeah zero homicides in portland oregon for a month for the second time of 2025 love that for us

Iran has the opportunity to do the funniest thing

*extremely perched voice* Folks,

not that anyone is looking to me specifically for advice but here are my takes on today: - do not RSVP to a protest, they are just trying to build their email list - if you’re on the fence, just go! at the very least you will get some fresh air and be around likeminded people. it might be nice

aaaaaaahahahahahahahaha *coughing fit*

[Trump administration official voice] I’ve heard stories out of California that if you go to Costco and ask for a birthday cake for a baby they just assume your baby is gay

I don't know if a single piece of trolling has ever been as effective. The people who consider themselves deep readers glaze right over any blaring signals of authorial intent and tone on this one.

my role model tbh

Putting down the information device and backing away slowly

big news in today’s preschool drama report from the three year old: teacher Abby said “butt” 😱 more on this breaking news story as it develops

american Premier League fans:

The only thing that makes me think the people telling everyone to sit down during protests weren't opps is because that is too stupid an idea for an opp to think might work

if a protest begins to get violent you should immediately sit down. you should handcuff yourself to a police horse. cut your own head off with a glaive

kind of like watching hunter pence where it just doesn't seem like those movements should have that result

Ok he can call me but he can't hold the phone like that

They're trying to make us an apartheid state again. Next they'll set up "coloreds only" checkpoints

god every single pronounced sentence in this is so beautiful. how flustered he sounds when he asks what sort of luxury he should have. larry king purring "private plaaaane." "DUCKtales"

media figures who can't post but have big twitter followings and swooning engagement love stomping over here and trying to Hold Court before getting War of the Worldsed but by the miasma of Posters' Brain Ailments instead of the common cold. and to many people who can't post, that seems bad

Lots of protest signs and T-shirts on the train into Philadelphia this morning ✊

Oh yeah yesterday I invented a Sanrio character named Guten Frog. he's wearing lederhosen and the little green hat obviously. you can picture him, I'm sure. in a certain sense you've always known Guten Frog

Will this intelligence sharing agreement include India informing Canada about the assassinations it carries out in Canada or does it just apply to third party crimes?

the lads' second birthday observed is july 5 so if you're feeling blue about america like most folks i know you can feel free to join me in celebrating that, with picnics parades and fireworks

Has it always been this way? Am I dead? Did I die?

Fun fact: I posted this to Facebook once and my best fiend in high school got so mad that she stopped talking to me and I had to find out she came out as trans from my sister

Okay where did the “khaki hat with forest green brim” thing come from. It’s like every third hat now. Did someone go back and change something big in the past and this is a weird knockoff effect

Yeah probably let me hold my breath while I wait for Trump to ask ICE to bring this charge.

Trying to read less upsetting things online and more upsetting books instead

Today's Cancelled Character is: Rudolph Von Flugel

Could not find my Fidel Catro shirt so this will have to do.

long day tomorrow - going to go to the no kings... in newark. because i also want to go to final x wrestling qualification at the prudential center and it's a short walk away. got an extra ticket to the wrestling if anyone wants to hang (cheap!).

a classic theonion.com/report-share...

i'm working with a sample size of just a few coworkers over the last few years so i'm curious if this is a broader trend or just a coincidence: have you noticed a lot of people under let's say 30 have astoundingly bad handwriting? not cursive, just print. crayon clutched in a fist lookin writing

We SOLD OUT of Bingo tickets. That’s like $1500 for Chrystul Kizer, who makes fifteen cents an hour in prison