Top recent posts by Web Professionals on Bluesky

As usual, Miss Rachel said it better than me.

Whenever these LLM guys say they think AGI/artificial superintelligence is in the works it's like hearing someone say that their next toaster is going to break the land speed record

every profile of a DOGE boy should include the number of people they’re responsible for killing

huh. ok thanks

every fucking day i get to learn about how the Democrats willfully ceded power for literally nothing in return

I wrote about Ichiro as a player, a legend, and a stand-up comic. I don't imagine it'll spoil anything for me to say here that I think he's the coolest and most interesting baseball player I've ever seen. defector.com/ichiro-saved...

i just found out that if you want to look at a titty in the UK now you have to send a selfie to the king first

ZUCKERBERG: Today we're announcing that MetaAI has produced the first true artificial superintelligence, expressly designed to shepherd humanity into a new era of infinite prosperity. Meet Cicero! CICERO: Hello. This man has too much. You must kill him

the enemy of my enemy also sucks ass

If any aliens are reading this, I love you. Please come get me

just spoke to a very nice man from the paper named isaac. had a good conversation about my orphan crushing machine. he really let me go in-depth on all of its exciting new features. good bit of press for the orphan crushing industry

The most important thing for cybertruck owners to do is to wash it regularly with saltwater and lemon juice, especially in the first six months. This will preserve the finish

mr president you are hereby impeached for being a wang

A living political cartoon

oh no juan soto has no bones

hey check this out: no lifetime appointments

Gotta pick up some boxes of Apple Jack Offs, Great-Nuts and Alpha Male Bits

I realize everyone has already commented on this but I cannot get over the idea of the president noisily complaining about the country's most notorious pedophile "poaching" his 16-year-old spa staff

Sorry no new Swan Boy in a bit but I had a death in the family so actually no I'm not really sorry about not focusing on my webcomic at the moment

proud of my hulk hogan obituary

Little personal news: I have died in the tsunami.

In The Long, Lucrative Right-wing Grift Is Blowing Up in the World's Face, a text I go to frequently, Alex Pareene makes the argument that the mechanism that led to us getting Trump was the Republican elites and electeds consuming the same media that used to be only consumed by the rank and file.

(bravely) children shouldn’t be deprived of food or medicine

I hate when you're having sex and you accidentally yell the name of the wrong Ninja turtle

i often think about the DM i got years ago saying, 'i support you dude but i can't retweet your stuff bc it would dilute my brand' that user's name? The Incest Guy

Getting sent a promotional pair of enormous basketball shorts with my galley of Unfettered.

starting a gofundme to support horse leg day

Imagine having such a finely tuned sense of moral order that the picture of the starving child clearly means the threshold of deliberate genocidal starvation has been crossed, but then finding out the child has a pre-existing medical condition reassures you that it has not

i won't be learning who emil bove is, i'm sorry, i am over capacity at this time. everyone else is going to have to get mad about this one without me. i'm tapped out. i'll get mad about the next thing

there’s actually a different guy with my same exact name who did all the depraved and evil stuff you’re thinking about. he looks and sounds like me, too. basically a sort of a parent trap-type situation. you don’t need to worry about the other guy anymore because he died in a jet ski crash

Arguably still a poop OR pee zone though. Loophole

Did you know that there is a vampire that reviews Taco Bell items on YouTube

What level of Pittsburgh Pirates Behaviors is signing one of your top prospects to a cheap buy-out-the-arb-years contract and then salary dumping him before it expires? Is there a level below this? What happens down there?

The book is good, folks. Absolutely the most human-centered and even intermittently uplifting way of writing about a legitimate cultural scourge imaginable. Absolutely as fun to read as it is infuriating. You should get it.

Imagining a multi-nozzle hose-end sprayer so durable, it is passed down through generations

the GOP is smart enough to find wedge issues like "should we check children's genitals before letting them play sports" and the democrats will cancel someone as soon as they say "I don't know, maybe?"

every tsunami is just another nail in the coffin of the “aquaman is real” theory

really thought south park would have restored participatory democracy by now

my friend just buttdialed me and while apologizing mentioned he was on his way to the coast to go snorkeling and i got to tell him about the tsunami warning. possible a buttdial saved his life tonight

we should put in the constitution that the president can't suck ass

lived my worst nightmare today as i shared my entire screen with my boss instead of the selected window and he said "wow you take a lot of notes" DO NOT LOOK AT THAT i simply must write everything down because they made my brain at the colander factory

jetlagged and gonna eat some friggen roti and curry about it

the rapidly approaching 2028 presidential election is far too important for these petty, bad faith attacks on this high society scumbag we decided should be our nominee because he's got perfect news anchor hair and his teeth do that cartoon sparkle thing when he smiles. it's time to get serious

It's deeply insane to make the recognition of Palestinian statehood conditional on actions Israel might take

The zombie/shark fight in Zombi 2 (Fulci, 1979) shows that it takes a LOT for sharks to attack you. That zombie's hanging off the shark, punching and kicking. And the sharks just like "you good, man?" I think that movie could've undone a lot of the damage Jaws did if it was more popular.

i hate to be that person but -- no you don't. you fucking love to be that person.

God, I'm so tired of everything that some nobody online says being a problem for "The Democrats" while GOP electeds say that the solution to homelessness is a photo of Auschwitz and nobody seems to care

I have come to expect nothing but wretch from the NYT on Gaza and yet I’m genuinely shocked by this.

my phone: tsunami advisory my dumb ass looking out the window: where??

I don’t think Irish people know what to do with my vibe. I’m like Kenneth the Page for Ireland.

tuesday nights are for jim croce time in a bottle

tracking down my co-worker's wife to make sure his daily burrito is in the budget

Anybody else feel like it's Us vs. Them? Just a thought I had

Ahahaha he’s got Liefeld Torso

not every critique is a cancelation and it's up to pete to distinguish between an awkward phrasing or hamfisted attempt at empathy and a real policy commitment showing "concern about women's/girls' sports." he's a big boy. if he wants to mend fences, he's got to answer for the damage first.

At this point, I'm not upgrading to Windows 11 just to be a dick. Sorry Microsoft, make Windows 12 I guess

oh cool they made a movie about that time you went to Fly Creek

the tiger king must be fucking apoplectic

le petit mort but it’s just a really good fucking nap

so what you do is you stand down there at the end of the mat, and then you "jump" to a conclusion

dipping into some Discourse for two seconds to say: if you cannot leave the Nazi platform because you make your entire living on it, that's a you problem! there's a whole-ass saying about putting all your eggs in one basket for a reason.

Didn’t eat breakfast and had to pull the “emergency Wendy’s” ripcord at 11:30 AM, and now I’m just baffled by this door situation

i think they should let me testify in front of the house of representatives. i don't have a topic in mind

Interviewer: Your films have a hopeful message, don’t they? Hayao Miyazaki: *puts unlit cigarette in mouth and chews it like gum*

Issuing an “lol RIP Bozo” at this, but a limited one in light of (i) who pushed him out (Rick fucking Santorum???) and (ii) the fact that his replacement will presumably be a full humours/bile guy who is also somehow a Big Pharma lobbyist

the lodestar of a certain breed of dem advisor is WJC's: sister souljah moment or the ricky ray rector execution - a cut against the party's reputation - but even granting the dubious idea that either of those turns was *good* (short or long term) you can only cut so much until there's nothing left.

Republicans don't have this problem because they campain on "we will crush our enemies because it will make us rich don't be a pussy about it if it hurts a little" and they mean it.

i feel like it gets left out of the conversation a lot but Golden Grahams is a top tier cereal. or maybe it gets brought up a lot i don't know. this is the first time i ever talked to anyone about cereal

ME: ah haha thanks yeah, i guess i've always been naturally pretty good at sports DOCTOR: ok so, that's great, but athlete's foot is a fungal skin infection

They seem perfect for each other (derogatory)

Oh they're touching it. defector.com/have-you-hea...

The company that needed two years and billions of dollars to create cartoon avatars with legs has announced that it's *this close* to creating a machine god.

I was my wife's first. I know because I read her diary where she described me nude as a "wet pink toad" and how the air "stunk like [my] toadhole all night". She's had four since then, at least that she diaried, but none of their smells are documented. Probably bad though. All men have toad smells.

i'm frances meh and i endorse this message

how long until the tsunami hits the west coast? what i mean is, if i post this banger tonight will they have time to reskeet it in california before fleeing for their lives or should i save it for tomorrow?

It's soooooo funny to me that Vinay Prasad clearly thought he was so big-brained that he could navigate the contradictions within the Republican Party and come out on top through the power of sheer intellect. Sorry, bud! You're a speck of dust!

me, talking to the cat i have fed and kept alive for the past nine years

Never let the bastards grind you down or see you post

Sorry did I miss something

Reboots of Classic Horror Films, Online Edition: - Invasion of the Body Shamers - It Never Follows - Hellposter - The Texas Chainsaw Mass Block - Let the Alt-Right One In - Fall of the House of Bieber - Dawn of the Dead Inside

stop saying "our party" you have been a democrat for five fucking seconds, pipe down grifter

Thinking about the last time they tried this and it failed miserably, a whole six months ago www.reuters.com/business/tru...

there's a guy with one of those big turd sucker trucks sucking all the turds out of a portapotty down the block and i gotta take a shit and i kinda want to go down there and see if he can pull it out of me

they’re calling him the Loaf King. they’re saying he makes perfect loaves

one time my stomach really hurt and I went to the doctor and she ordered a bunch of tests and billed them to insurance as "abdominal pain." unfortunately the tests showed I had an ovarian cyst so the claim got denied for not being billed as "reproductive health" and I had to make 1000 phone calls

The entire concept of voting is that if you disagree with someone, you write them off. You literally write someone else instead. Children learn this before they are five years old.

got up to vacuum and left my phone plugged in and my son failed the passcode jamming his fingers at the screen so many times he temporarily bricked it. — posted from my samsung smart fridge

If you save PNG images onto birds I don't trust you

All the artists put out of work by AI should flood the ranks of ICE and just be the worst government employees of all time

It really wasn't enough for the ICJ to put countries on notice that they'll have to pay climate reparations. We need to be able to go after the wealth of individual politicians. Because why would a climate vandal like Eby care that his decisions might lead to lawsuits he won't have to pay?

got a loaf of "1906 formula" bread from a local bakery, it's the recipe they used in 1906, it's a really old bakery. i gotta say this is real similar to the 2025 formula. i guess there have not been many great advances in bread this century and a quarter

One of the major things in a marriage is knowing the stuff your partner likes so you can make little jokes about them liking that stuff to a different degree than you

i'm the only adult home on the block because several of the neighbors are out and have left their kids with teenage babysitters who have been given my number as an emergency contact, with my permission of course, so i'm loosely responsible for like 15 kids right now lol. i don't even know some of em

director of community safety is in big trouble- reedies have a nuke

Ok this is serious, someone just sent me an email with the word "reswizzle" in it. What the FUCK it doesn't have to be this way

funniest part is I really haven't seen anyone that triggered, mostly "yikes" and "congrats to american eagle on inventing boobs"

How many times will I have to reply REPENT to my mom before she repents 🙄

sleepy summer shade enjoyers