Top recent posts by Web Professionals on Bluesky

The public-facing side of American conservative politics more or less amounts to crashing out constantly about a bunch of shit that either you or the weird liars you listen to uncritically have made up. The non-public part, from what we've seen of the chat logs and such, is somehow much worse.

Getting hit in the chest from point blank range with a footlong sub and an enormous Peckinpah-style squib of sweet onion teriyaki sauce explodes from my chest.

new reaction video just dropped

The level of elite ghoul flopsweat going on over the NYC election is pretty unprecedented

You’re a “leftist?” Hold on a minute. It says here you used to offer “running lessons” in EverQuest where you’d convince newbies to /follow you and run them directly into a goblin cave to harvest their gear. I don’t seem to remember Marx mentioning that in Das Kapital

every star trek episode is titled Ere Fire Down From Olympus Came and every plot is "what if a comet had a milf on it"

Unfortunately, if Cuomo loses tomorrow I will be forced to leave the city that I love. Never again will I walk out of the door of my building and take three total steps on the public sidewalk before entering my private SUV on the way to Zero Bond. Never again will I experience my private box at MSG

ME: *holding a flashlight under my face wearing ghost makeup and a yankees hat* chuuuuuck.... chuck schuuuumeerrrr.... SEN. CHUCK SCHUMER: ahhh! who are you??? ME: dont you recognize me chuuuuuckk..... im the baileys.... im the boy one..... chuck im woke now.....

[Dick Cheney's final breath] Tell my family I loved...war crimes

If Mamdani wins, the voting public might begin to believe that good things can happen, which is of course incredibly damaging to the Dem brand.

This doofus simply loves to say "guess what." Classic style of dumb guy.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO VOTE FOR YOURSELF!

What's up⬆️all you CIVIC-MINDED🌆 SLUTS🤤, HALAL🕋🕌 HARLOTS😏, BIG 🍆🫸🫷APPLE 🍎BADDIES💃 and COMMUNIST✯☭ CUM-GUZZLERS💦!🥳🎉🚨 IT’S ERECTION 🍆DAY🌞🗓️, NYC! 🗳️🗽🗣️ Time ⏲️⌛️to VOTE 🗳️ for ZOHRAN MAMDANI 🍑🍌 and send SMALL-COCK🐓👌 CUOMO 👎 out 📤of the BIG 🙀APPLE 🍎

the ghost that haunts my house keeps bragging that he can go inside the microwave while it’s on, like i care

they're saying zohran mamdani is too handsome to be mayor of new york. they're saying the mayor has to be a weird little freak. it's in the bylaws

Not only did he throw the sandwich at me, but he threw it at me very hard your honor

One reason I think it's safe to call bullshit on the billionaire threat to quit New York if Mamdani wins is that they are spending WAY more to try to beat him than he plans to tax them if he wins

Remarkable thing about the right wing right now is that the only thing they recognize as skill or expertise is getting attention online

FUCK THE COMMERCE CLAUSE ALL MY HOMIES HATE THE COMMERCE CLAUSE

All things considered, people are pretty nice on this app.

Got back from a beautiful trip to Japan with the love of my life

the "working class" is more likely to be a black woman working as a home health aide for $11/hour than whatever Leonhardt &c imagine. The concept only ever contains a particular kind of usually-white always-man. It's as absurd as Schumer's imaginary Bailey constituency.

I wish they would do more with The Joker (sort of a dark clown figure for those not in the know)

i notice my sons are a lot better at using a spoon to actually get food into their mouths when the food is strawberry ice cream as opposed to say soup

Andrew Cuomo made your electrical bill go up because RFK Jr. made him afraid of atoms

all the firefighters down at the station sleep together in a giant pillow fort built in 1900 and every generation of fire fighters adds onto the pillow fort and it just keeps growing and growing

hot take: blocklists aren't the problem, it's the impulse to check which blocklists you're on that's the problem. that way lies madness. just post good

"Mamdani-style politics" is just being good at it, which to Third Way-types is alien and horrifying

today i emailed the fire department to ask if i could arrange to bring my kid to the station for his birthday and they were like "yeah just ring the doorbell and ask if they have time to show you the fire engine." i guess it never occurred to me we could just show up and demand to see a fire truck

Ozymandias this, Ozymandias that, why don't you all Ozymand your own business

who will endorse Kamala’s second run now??? 😩😭

oh my god TURN YOUR LIGHTS ON it is november in oregon and your car is the color of wet asphalt!!! why did we make all these cars wet asphalt colored i cant see shit!!!

Sliwa reminds me of that Hunter Thompson quote about Oscar Zeta Acosta - a high-powered mutant of some kind that was never even considered for mass production

told a little boy in the grocery store that he was doing a great job helping mama today and should be proud of himself and you should have seen the smile on his face, he was just pleased as punch. right in front of his brothers who weren't helping, too

"... and one reason to vote for him."

hooked up to tubes and cycling in a lab, lungs monitored by government scientists tasked with creating the "world's most effective smoker"

Whatever, I’m telling my kid the world is a good place and maybe it will turn out that way

don't know what you did on halloween but i spent it saying 6, 7 as i handed out candy to trick or treaters to make it uncool

there are two ways to solve political division: (1) concede so much that you are functionally the same or (2) fight until you win. the republicans have clearly chosen the second path - and it only gets easier for them if the democrats follow ezra's advice to choose the first.

Sorry I was weird before, and also am now, and will be in the future

Do you ever drip dry in the shower for a while pretending you're a terminator that just arrived?

It must be so funny working for Cuomo and you hear there's a new major endorsement and your first thought is to hire a crisis management team

wow can't believe dick cheney is dead. remember to keep your friends close. but not too close, you're hunting and you wouldn't want to,,, oh no.

new password is L0uvre!

Need to go to the grocery store but I'm feeling listless

The house from Skinamarink, as well as the movie itself, have both endorsed Andrew Cuomo

when will Mamdani answer for his blatant dimple privilege

Because Andrew Cuomo is trying to exploit the “Real” New Yorker/Transplant dichotomy like all of the worst people in the city, I also addressed that

Boy I can’t wait to enter into a class action lawsuit against the federal government over this

I think there's a big divide on politics in our country that's non-partisan, and it's between people who actually follow politics by listening and reading and trying to figure out how things work, and people who think consuming politics-flavored content makes them politically savvy.

Trump and Miller aren't endorsing Cuomo, they are threatening New Yorkers.

“And we at The Washington Post love it!”

Starting to think Schumer, Jeffries, Pelosi etc are not reading our replies.

saw this house on zillow and it's upsetting me

We are now receiving images live from the courtroom

Man it's so funny to think that Eric Adams would be absolutely coasting to victory today if he wasn't Like That

Dick Cheney wont see your joke about how he’s dead, but George W Bush might and hell, it could inspire him to do something about the GOP that followed his disastrous presidency so make that joke.

Doing “you-know-what” with my beautiful wife

The *only* bad part about Halloween is that I’ve been asked five times since Thursday whether I’m in costume. No dawg this is my whole deal. I just look like a preacher who hands out molly in a Tom Waits music video

nobody: the baby at 5:37am after finding her own feet under a blanket: “FEEEET!! feet feet feet feet”

my cousin is using her awesome huge new house as a dropoff and assembly point for a staggering number of emergency food donations she's solicited and is inventorying and dividing up into stashes for each of the local elementary schools. it's like, the whole first floor

if this happened today she’d have a job in the white house by the time she landed

they should do a Christmas ad about how they murdered Colombian trade union leaders via paramilitary death squads

My guess is that this was for a non-public system that would already need stronger authentication on a workstation for access so the shared password was "good enough", but there's a lesson here - it’s not just if it’s “good enough”, you also have to ask if it would be embarrassing to see on a report

Why would I mind that you put down in words how wonderful life is while I'm in the world?

against my better judgment i still have pride in my work

my grandfather who was a retired pediatrician and wwii veteran and i used to watch the daily show and the colbert report together every night for basically the whole bush administration and every time cheney was on screen he'd pick up anything nearby, slippers, magazine, handful of peanuts, to throw

Oh that’s easy - that there’s still an incredible amount of anti-incumbency in the electorate

worst part of the time switch is being absolutely starving for my dinner at 5:06pm

one thing i'm gonna do on marketplace is click on every funky ass traditional instrument i see. you selling a bazouki friend? clicked. gotta get rid of your uncle's baglama saz my guy? clicked. old zither brother? new guzheng sister? mint condition hurdy gurdy cuz? clicked. clicked. clicked.

drake getting hit with fake streaming allegations after his allegations against kendrick/umg >>>>>>>>

dick cheney died just a few days into no nut november. coincidence??

I guess politics-understander Elon Musk is trying to get Sliwa republicans to break ranks and bolt for Cuomo but a) I don't get the feeling they care about Musk very much and b) they fucking hate Cuomo

Between Miller, Trump, and Musk, the internal polling from Cuomo and Sliwa has to be real bad

"Don't it always seem to go / That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" - Counting Crows RIP Dick Cheney

will voters be moved by Cuomo's last minute promise of "a peaceful surrender to evil and a death-like dreamless slumber"

tried to teach my sons to play Go Fish, the worlds easiest card game, with a deck of oversized fish themed cards even. rarely have i seen someone understand something less

david harbour seems like a real piece of work doesn't he

Rip Dick Cheney. He's hunting his friends in heaven now.

Bluesky: it’s for sports

reminder that if you have leftover halloween chocolate, dog shelters are always looking for donations! those little furbabies rarely get treats in there. Let's spoil them this year

oh no she's even better than i'd feared

I wrote about what the Dodgers do and what makes great teams great. defector.com/the-dodgers-...

statute of limitations has long since passed and i'd never do this now [citation needed] but I once tossed a dead palm tree, roots and all, down the chute. i had to stop myself from laughing until my sides hurt when there was a "to the guy who..." sign taped to the front door the next day.

Insisting on redeeming my Groupon for the Abaddon Hotel, disregarding the fact that the email address that sent it to me just says “BLOOD”

God how fucking good would it feel to throw an entire snifter of brandy into the fire and yell "leave my aloof wife out of this!!!"

The Count of Sesame Street fame has died. He was 97. Ah ah ah. I'm Dave Mattingly this is NPR News.

I do not care for the noises they make

One of the arguments made for why it's okay to steal copyrighted IP to train an AI is that it's like educating a child. First of all, no, because no child has read millions of books and retains all of them. Second of all, when you educate a child, you don't then OWN that child. Currently.

the baby pointed at the big light in the dining room and said “moon!” lmao what a dummy. get a load of this guy. this mf said “moon”

"We absolutely love our Dyson, we fight over who gets to vacuum" Really? We never fight.

Facebook has been feeding me nothing but NYC conservative slop after I commented on a Nicole Malliotakis post and lemme tell you, after reading the comments I am not nearly as certain as Andrew Cuomo that if the Republicans don't vote for Sliwa they'll vote for him. I think they'll stay home.

I believe in Zohran Mamdani not because of his policies, or his promise as a politician, but because he’s someone who experiences the city like I do and loves it for what it is. A little Election Day writing:

⚡ STORM BIO: once worshipped as goddess POWER: weather control WEAKNESS: claustrophobia 🕶️ CYCLOPS BIO: leader of X-Men POWER: optic blast WEAKNESS: requires glasses to control power 📸 SNAPSHOT BIO: has seen Prof. X on the toilet POWER: hidden camera in bathroom air vent WEAKNESS: zero weaknesses

Studies show Millennials are the most likely demographic to have a 10-year-old laptop

it'd be funny if your dick had a little butt behind the balls

"... i still wake up still smelling that mustard. my wife removes the ice pack from her cheek to ask if i'm ok."

This is so funny because if you're voting for Mamdani YOU'RE VOTING FOR THE DEMOCRAT!!! also nobody is supposed to be able to show proof of who they voted for because photography is barred in NYC polling places

I’m not gonna believe it until we get proof his phylactery was destroyed