Top recent posts by Internet Weirdos on Bluesky

He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him

I can’t believe that in this day and age, people are still wearing fir.

[on the set of Scarface] AL PACINO: say hello to my little friend [opens jacket to reveal a tiny kitten] DIRECTOR: son of a bitch CUT

Put up the tree.

if you have a parasocial relationship with me just know that I love you, specifically, and i can’t wait for us to be together

you can’t tell me what to do, you’re not the wandering spirit of a girl who was murdered several centuries ago who inhabited my body to use as a vessel for vengeance against the descendants of her killers

streetwaka

adding alt text to your photos is like washing your hands after going to the bathroom- both take a little extra time, but theyre the right thing to do, and it’s gross if you don’t.

Admiral Bradley says he won’t release the names of the eleven men killed in the boat strike because they go to a different school so you wouldn’t know them.

Don't watch me break down a cardboard box unless you want to fall in love with me

Nobody was walking through mysterious fog like him

kinda crazy how it’s acceptable to eat your twin as long as it’s in utero

The Bic corporation was started by one man who needed to shave, write something down, and set something on fire at the same time

i could draw a sideways eight forever

me: *searches to see if anyone has done this post before* oh

Hate is a strong word. I need a stronger one.

I have a sexy body that I’m willing to put on display but everyone keeps harassing me by saying “what are you doing with that corpse” and “I’m calling the police”

i’m going to start a daily newsletter and each day it will just say “well this sucks”

victor frankenstein disappointedly leaving a monster truck show

knocked a fake candle into the fake christmas tree but got real scared

I don't always follow back but I do always block back.

at the bank withdrawing money off the secret menu

the three second rule starts over if you’re not ready

My nine year old hates my taste in music. Everyone does, but he does as well

we’re all dolly

clean the blades on your ceiling fan, slob

just broke the news to my grandma and she hurled her fake teeth into the ceiling fan and locked herself in the closet. we all deal w grief differently

I buy so much booze these days I’m beginning to wonder if I need an intervention. I’d hate to become a shopaholic.

Public service announcement

pardon me while I get in the holiday spirit (dissociate under the mistletoe)

Don’t blame me I voted for Dionne Warwick and Burt Bacharach

voting for baby hepatitis is some freak shit & then you remember that she married stephen miller on purpose

*slowly puts earbuds in during your story*

if you ever witnessed the sheer majesty of me trying to put on a shoe while standing you might think i was a queen or something

the boy with the dragon ball tattoo

setting the mood by letting the dvd menu play for a half hour

training my cat in the ancient martial art of ripping the dicks off our enemies.

The plan for tomorrow is to do all my chores and socialise with everyone and fix everything that's ever been wrong with the world. Today I'm mostly focused on rolling a hamburger patty into a cylinder so it'll fit in a hot dog bun.

I would murder a bitch for a lot of things, but a Klondike bar is not one of them.

Why did they call them cowardly internet trolls and not 'clickinshits'

Removing the pillowcase before humping my pillow so I can get pregnant again

Why is it acceptable to stare at any species through binoculars except our own? Doctor: I meant, is there anything physically bothering you?

A whale watching trip can become a whale kissing trip if the captain is brave and you know what to say to the whale.

behold. the turktopus

I have decided to stop being a piece of shit 25 days earlier than last year

Santa Claus Me with ADHD preparing to go shopping 🤝 Making a list and checking it twice

it took until the weed for me to realize this isn’t laura loomer

Come get your scoop of our new Christmas flavour. It's vanilla

The Three Stooges, but their antics have actual consequences – all the screaming and the blood…

Okay well if nobody likes me then why would Lockheed Martin present me with this award

Masked men without warrants brutally abducting people and throwing them in unmarked out-of-state vehicles. Sounds legit.

modern shirley jackson includes an email reminder

I drank 44 oz of water today is that enough

Reading your fortune in the cat litter tray like tea leaves

they should change the spelling of the word “read” to “red” and change the spelling of the other word “read” to “reed” and then change the spelling of the word “reed” to “read” and also change the s

Sometimes I get annoyed when my wife scrolls during one of our shows but then I find myself grateful that she doesn't do it during sex.....yet.

We promise to commercialize Christmas as much as possible.

Nothing worse than a looming household crisis and having no one at all but yourself to blame for it.

not only is all of my xmas shopping done, everything is wrapped and what needs to be shipped is so now i have all of this free time left to cry

drinking water and going to bed early

they would like to continue and increase racism, discriminate freely and disgustingly, and do the old "wasn't me" excuse, "well it was the AI." well fuck them straight to hell, buddy

you guys ever wonder if aliens watch ET around Christmas time bc it’s their “Home Alone”

winter wonderland nails by my sister:

A short read. Charles Dickens on a public execution he witnessed.

pretty weird stuff happening on jupiter

Pete Hegseth, protecting the United States from drugs headed to Europe and Africa. https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/national-security/admiral-told-lawmakers-everyone-alleged-drug-boat-was-list-military-ta-rcna247767

jrr likes to give the ring as a tolkien of his appreciation . folks,,

“sorry, i can’t tonight; on the extremist watchlist” has some potential for getting out of things

manifesting hot chocolate with mini marshmallows when I wake up

we are all beings of pure light just some of us that light is boring and sucks a little

My secret solitude spot. Shhh!

i saw a tiktok with a bazillion views by a guy who works at McDonalds recounting this lady who lost her mind screaming at him because they couldn’t make her a “daily double,” something he said they don’t make. I just saw a McD’s commercial where they say daily double. somewhere her head is exploding

Grand mal leisure suit.

all the Hoes down in Hoeville

man, you live in fucking ireland & have no shortage of audacity to respond like this to a woman living in the u.s. who was posting about her husband getting disappeared by ICE, before suspending her account you get off on performative cruelty

[werner herzog voice] the dog chases and yearns for it’s own tail as the enteral spin of this furry ouroboros marches in place

I hate restaurants where they won’t let you bring your own mariachi band.

spontaneous human combustion sucks but it has nothing on gradual human combustion I've been slowly catching fire for the last 2 and a half weeks

Tarantino has a movie project in theaters right now, so it's a perfect time for him to attack well-liked actors unprompted for literally no reason whatsoever.

reply with a selfie/pet pic and i’ll surprise you with an edit. if you’d like to commission something more specific send me a DM and let’s talk about it. xo. tips are very appreciated but not required: linktr.ee/riotgrlerin

Holy buttholes, Batman!

it’s almost sandwich:30

people are always asking me professor kiosk how do you come up with your skeets and I say to them fools it’s simple I just stare at my phone until I free associate some janky thoughts that are possibly funny to people who were born before 1985

Personally i think the Democratic Party should focus on things like democracy and healthcare and feeding kids in school

This is a general interest check as I am considering opening digital art commissions. 🎨 I like to paint spooky ladies and fantasy creatures (especially Neopets). Commissions would likely range from $30 USD-$60 USD on average depending on complexity, size, etc. 💜

Doctor: you have 6-7 days to live Me: lol

they begged me to be the queen of venus but i said no bsky needs me to stay here and post

[5th day of Christmas] MY TRUE LOVE: i have something for you ME: it better not be birds again

“Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Source: trust me bro.”

*gets last year’s eggnog out of the attic*

I bet you this place looks beautiful in the blacklight

“But AI tells us that people want more AI.”

the gremlins wouldn’t put up with this shit

The Girl With the Green Ribbon Tattoo

omg i just aced the NYTimes flashback history quiz omg !! 𝕊ℍ𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕃𝔼𝕊 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊ℕ'𝕋 ℂ𝔸ℝ𝔼

back to the future trilogy and chill?

My ideal weekend: staying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and pretending I’m in a French film about quiet despair.

Them: this conversation is going to a dark place Me: [nodding excitedly] the movie theater

Truly humbled FIFA has declared I am the new Great One because I know how to pronounce more than two countries

Welp! You're screwed..A cautionary tale.