Top recent posts by Internet Weirdos on Bluesky

you just know somebody’s being called by their full name right now

Them: even if he dies, nothing with change Me: except he’s dead and I’ll be glad he’s dead and everyone will be glad he’s dead. Now give me my tambourine back, Susan

Can’t stop thinking about my neighbor’s garage door

I love a thrill... like when you hold down backspace and it starts erasing like 10x faster fuck

We're Americans of course we've got nothing better to do than shitpost about the possible death of our most hated president

BREAKING: supreme court rules 6-3 that it's okay to have a dead president

No one is less confused than a woman in a disagreement who says “I guess I’m just a little confused” btw. RUN

i hope he heard everybody on Earth praying for his death last night

even if he isn't dead, cremate him anyway

mcdonald’s flags flying at half mast

ok nice rehearsal everyone, great work all around

when two of your friends start hooking up and the rest of you know it’ll end in disaster

nicolas cage in famous works of art: thread

just saw RFK jr running into the white house with a whole bunch of horse dewormer

for every 50 likes [within reason] i’ll give a bald celebrity hair.

Inspector convening White House staff: “My job is to determine which one of you murdered the President.” Pan to room: *JD Vance awkwardly holding a couch pillow.* *Kristi Noem nervously rubbing gun barrel.* *RFK Jr. swigging raw milk.* *Stephen Miller crouched in corner gnawing on a deer’s femur.*

To be fair, it could still happen on a golf course

posting hole once we hit dead president

i dunno, i'm kinda into furious, drunk-driving bananas

Nice run-through, friends. We’re gonna nail it when it really happens. Back to the top

I heard he shit himself to death

Cat: [coughing up a hairball] French tutor: very good

The White House: “We have proof of life.” The proof of life:

People that understand sarcasm are the real heroes.

Someone got upset at me for labubu posting because they felt the "labubu show" was addictive to kids but there is no labubu show currently. So they replied with AI slop of animated labubu to "prove it." Folks, you need to do better at detecting AI garbage before you are loudly wrong on the internet.

*annoying my brother by calling his half marathon "half of a marathon"*

EVERYONE ELSE: [talking about their engagements and pregnancies] ME: [climbing out of the sewer] look at my beautiful daughter

Live your life such that people don’t rejoice at the mere prospect of your death.

“Whoosagubboy?!?”

me: dating is hard me on a date: like what if godzilla was an atheist and we just named him that

What if he’s been on the roof this whole time

Poker players, our gift shop carries deodorant.

The pins and needles from the rush of blood back to your legs is your reminder that you’re still alive after doomscrolling on the toilet

welp, Melania just asked Justin Trudeau to be her plus one at the funeral

They should make a self cleaning apartment

They should make a self cleaning apartment

ME: I'm so sorry. I'm terrible at remembering names... HER: Mom.

They should make a self cleaning apartment

They should make a self cleaning apartment

24hr emergency hotline for when you urgently need to talk to someone about a weird bird you just saw

The only legitimate form of art is making car eating robotic dinosaur monsters for monster truck rallies

Well, well, well. If it isn’t exactly what I asked for and more or less what I deserve.

salvador dalí eating a tuna melt

Him: Well, if you ask me- Me: Let me stop you right there.

Some people ask, what would Jesus do. I ask, will it frighten the squirrels?

i always won the penis game because i *start* loud

WIFE: You're very quiet. What are you thinking? ME: When a squirrel says he needs to bust a nut, does he mean he's hungry or horny HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'.

Fuck it open it lets roll

Would be very thoughtful of President Trump to die over a holiday weekend.

If you need me, I will be over at Signal seeing if P. Heggsy adds me to any Top Secret Funeral chat groups

WAITER: what else can i get you ME: nothing thanks WAITER: okay I’ll get the check ME: *balls fists* what did i just say

if you die on bsky you don’t die in real life but you also don’t get your dignity back

seeing you all on your high horses, mocking and deriding the president, wishing with the utmost glee that he has finally slipped away from existence, I must say that I'm very impressed. well done. truly a bonding experience the likes of which rival, nay, surpass Hands Across America

I HOPE HE'S DEAD TOO BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST STOP IT WITH THE FAT JOKES.

with alt text

Them: Failure is not an option. Me: Then how have I picked it so many times?

they never found db cooper because his underwear got caught in the propeller when he jumped out of the plane and it launched him into outerspace

It looked like we’d put up all these funeral decorations for nothing, but lucky for us city council member Teddy Irwin just passed away.

The key to avoid disappointments is to ignore everything.

Trump is on a golf course this morning, but a bunch of Japanese bunraku puppeters in black body suits are moving his limbs. It would be disrespectful to the artistry to acknowledge them, so play along.

My skeletons have their own closets.

His last words were "Covfefe." Historians believe this was the name of his beloved childhood sled.

“Sir, we don’t often make this award posthumously. But what your death has contributed to the world is unprecedented. We thank you for leaving us.” -the Nobel committee upon his death

when the dog at someone else's house doesn't like you

he's fine you guys. totally fine

Not trying to brag but I also haven’t been seen in five days

"that's not nice, what if people wished you were dead?" well, that would finally be one thing we had in common then

Seriously man I just- I- I fucking KNEW you didn't have my nose

“Someday I’ll show my teen a video they haven’t already seen before,” I whisper into my morning coffee.

When you see 3 cyclists riding alongside each other is it better to take out all 3 of them in one go or just clip the one on the outside so they go over like dominoes? Asking for a friend…

The pain of high fashion

Wanna share intrusive thoughts and scare each other..flirting.

Arby's should start serving breakfast and just have it be all their regular menu items but with a single fried egg on top

eat shit hemmingway

eric & don jr arguing over who gets to stand next to the melania double at the funeral

If I find out while I’m at the Maryland Renaissance Festival today, I’m gonna steal a horse (and a turkey leg) and pull a Paul Revere

MY LAWYER: so you’re saying he hit you in the eye ME: that’s right MY LAWYER: and it was like a big pizza pie? ME: it was MY LAWYER: no more questions your honor MOON: *frantically whispers in his lawyers ear*

Here to judge the skeets

Releasing my inner bitch as a relaxation technique.

please don't break the window. the air conditioner is on to delay the decomposition, he has Diet Coke, and he is listening to his favorite musical, Les Miserables

Went for a walk and saw two dogs

this only further proves it happened & any “sightings” of “trump” are just some stand in body doubles taking orders from a shadow government

This is like when we dreaded the day Betty White died but the exact opposite

they don’t tell you this at the door, but you can hang out at panera for like 10 hours and no one will care

his death would be the only proof that prayer works

Breaking: White smoke above the White House indicates that a new fascist has been selected.

“sometimes i feel like i just don’t fit in here.” - a USB port . probly .

I wrote this back in 2020 but I still stand by every word.

I will ride to battle for these kittens

my only regret when i die will be that i waited too long to tell some people to go fuck themselves.

The crew trying to figure out what a car is two hours into the acid trip

JD Vance: [imagining all the couches the Oval Office can hold]

The crew trying to figure out what a car is two hours into the acid trip

Tchaikovsky's rivals having to begrudgingly admit that his new song really does sound like something a sugar plum fairy would dance to.

if my name was rhonda i’d have people call me honda for short

I think he forgot how to cat

godzilla except it’s willem defoe: thread

democracy dies in darkness *nods sagely* it's a reverse vampire