Top recent posts by Internet Weirdos on Bluesky

Avowed Christian Donald Trump has never heard of praying before meals.

*Turns to camera*

BECOME UNGOVERNABLE

whoever called it a hurdy-gurdy should get to name more things

there’s no blvd bar or tavern in minneapolis — it’s either minnetonka or west st. paul dealing with his hissy fit

under communism no one person will be able to be insufferable and make us all miserable. instead, we will all be insufferable. together.

The year is 2026. The American president has kidnapped you to a Black Site unless you confess that Sleepy Joe stole Georgia

Picked up a shift at—

Called two gym bros 'swolemates' today so I'm posting this from inside a locker.

sometimes a quote post is so bad detaching it isn’t enough i need them to be attacked by bees

today on the pod we tackle that age old question: wtf

huge cock sliding in and out of my pussy asmr

Fired Washington Post reporter told she can keep company pen.

ME: draw me like one of your french girls POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: that’s not how this works

the penis, mightier than the sword

a golden girls tv/movie crossover: thread

Please don't avoid the casino just because there's a colony of giant man-eating bats in the rafters. Visiting here is now the ultimate form of gambling.

fucking up a whole building’s security to aggressively kidnap one person while of course not having any amount of judicial warrant to do so

INTERVIEWER: can i see your resume ME: *slides paper across desk* INTERVIEWER: this is just a note that says “do u like me __yes __no” ME: *averts eyes* well do u INTERVIEWER: *bites end of pencil* idk maybe

sometimes I doubt your commitment to corn dogs

i may be here preparing to cook some boneless skinless chicken breasts for dinner but pls know inside i’m violently tearing apart stars and merging with other black holes

If you see dog, post dog

I've graduated from basic bitch to advanced bitch ask me how

with alt text

let’s get matching tattoos and donuts

Don't get a divorce. Get separate casino rewards cards.

adopt don’t shop muppets: thread

According to my fitness tracker I spent 7 hours this week committing acts of vengeance

I love looking at my notifications <3

Final destination..Death by bidet. Heated toilet seat edition.

Hey if any of my neighbors are watching me right now, I know it looks like I’m taking a leak but I’m really listening to a great horned owl and watching a twitching squirrel tail hanging over its drey up in a dead oak

The spider that lives in my car's wing mirror has the heart of a warrior

Digging so far down that when the walls of my grave collapse in around me, the weight of the dirt turns my bones to diamonds.

A support group for clumsy people where we share pics of our unexplained bruises

I’m one of the good space reptilians not one of the satanic pedophile serpents from the deep sea

dropping new conspiracy theories in the chat.

Watched a TikTok from a soccer mom who said everything will be OK because white middle-class women are finally angry and I'll start stocking the bunker as soon as I stop laughing.

my CPA after seeing how much of my income was 1099 and that i haven't been making quarterly payments

Elon Musk says he never visited Epstein Island, but turns out Epstein Island visited him.

although his name doesn’t appear anywhere in them, the spirit of kid rock permeates the epstein files

they *could* tear gas a polling place, as most polling places are in schools & churches, which are largely in residential areas that have been getting tear gassed by both the feds & our own police. they don't deserve our fear & if this is a real concern for anyone, take your PPE to the polls.

[post-apocalypse] “Great to be here folks. My name’s Tough and Stringy Meat. Who all’s from the Giant Wasteland? Anyone?” [silence] “How about the Vast Plane of Fire? I hear it’s warm there this time of year, haha.” [long pause] FROM THE BACK: Let’s eat him! “Hahaha remember the name.”

oh fun, a sign of escalation in imminent aggression

Jeff Bezos's Amazon gave someone implicated in the Epstein Files $75 million to make a fawning documentary about someone else implicated in the Epstein files.

BIRD 1: scissors BIRD 2: scissors ME: stone

I just got half-chub thinking about raisin toast if you want to know what getting old is like

I hit a padlock with a stone 3 times and it didn't burst open. Every movie lied

Don’t let me into your heart. I’m so claustrophobic I might claw my way out.

Your ass is mine in 2028 Goofy

In a decent world these people would be fined until Top Ramen is an extravagant purchase

You don't need to preheat the oven if you just turn it to full temperature then put the food in for an arbitrary amount of time based on pure instinct that is somehow never correct

inventor of the ferris wheel lying on his side, looking at a merry-go-round: I HAVE AN IDEA

Seeing stuff online about the fuck ICE chant at AEW where people are like "wow I can't believe that happened with a pro wrestling audience" and I always forget how askew people's perception of the average modern pro wrestling fan is

it's especially important to eat your vegetables before they overthrow human civilization

This day in history. 1913. Greek aviators Lieutenant Michael Moutoussis and Ensign Aristeidis Moraitinis carried out the first naval air mission. Ensign Moraitinis lost control of his Farman MF.7 hydroplane when he flew too close to the sun and melted his moustache wax. Tragic.

The frenemy of my enemy is my…acquaintance or something, I guess. *shrugs*

Life is messy. So is your butthole. Do something.

Money apparently can’t buy your children’s love either.

If you call it your morning constitutional, it sounds way better than shitting with your eyes closed and the shower running

When faced with a difficult decision I like to ask what would Jesus do? The problem is he answers in Aramaic.

Sometimes instead of picking up my prescription I listen to Steve Gadd’s solo at the end of Aja

I love how annoyed Homer sounds

can’t find my cellphone & i don’t have a landline to call myself & now im pissed & also im hungry & oh hey look there’s m&m’s (!) & idk where i was going with this 😬

Aye, I am bearded, as ye fabled clams of yore

love how flirty bkuesky can be on a wednesday

bro (feat. ross douthat) who the fuck is “we” here?

kid rock’s dad’s name is adult pebble.

If you fall asleep face first into your nightly bowl of acid, be prepared to be forever known as acid face, okay Kevin.

if we split jeff bezos’ wealth into equal parts every person on earth would receive $30.62 I think that’s good enough reason to overthrow capitalism

thinking of becoming a wine mom should I do it

ER DOC: what’s the problem LITTLE BO PEEP: i lost my sheep ER DOC: take her to the i see ewe

reply with a pet pic/selfie and i’ll surprise you with an edit. tips are my favorite but not required. linktr.ee/riotgrlerin

My knees when I ask them how they're doing

google a question and if the person who answered has died it basically makes google a working ouija board.

Mitch McConnell is going straight to shell

the fuck did the cat do to deserve that??

(using my hand to masturbate) im playing amish

edging (eating a bowl of cereal with a small spoon)

oh so you’re a big fan of kid rock? ok name 3 of his venereal diseases

Delicately spoon-feeding béchamel sauce into my phone's charging port. Eat up little one

i look at cerberus like he has three heads

Breaking: House Democrat negotiators drop their demand to end ICE agents’ use of masks but insist the masks must be “festive.”

not to be constantly complaining but i hate all of this

btw, this was in the downtown jail, where the agents all stayed inside you might have seen that tom homan is allegedly drawing back on about 700 agents; it’s also been known that he made that conditional on capitulation

no u 😤🖕

"Everything's interconnected, man." -me, high at Legoland

pepsi ceo: we need a tagline for Mountain Dew marketing guy: how about Just Dew It pepsi ceo: that’ll never catch on marketing guy: ok what about Do the Dew pepsi ceo: that’ll do marketing guy: what pepsi ceo: what

once i noticed the baader-meinhof phenomenon i started to notice it more often

they just called they’re running out of your mom

All eyes on Iran. The “heavy price” the NYT so casually euphemizes is oftentimes death. Mass death.

AEW Dynamite has that effect on people

if you see dog, post dog

Worst song name ever.

your beaver is eager? my beaver’s a bush leaguer we are not the same

some people on Bluesky think that making blanket statements without any substance is a sign of intellectual sophistication

The GOVERNMENT LAWYER saying her family too could just as easily be detained by her client for not being white.

spoiler alert: this article is NOT referring to blast beats

i commissioned a new portrait from @geraldinepiche.bsky.social and she nailed it perfectly as usual. she is incredibly talented and open for commissions so go get yours! xo.

Please look at this thread