Recent posts by Internet Weirdos on Bluesky

FAQ: Q: I'm hungry but there's something stuck in my teeth and I feel like I need to deal with that before I can eat anything else A: That's not really a question

Remi: keep petting me or im out

People say insomnia is your brain refusing to switch off. Mine switches off fine. It’s what it runs when it restarts that’s the problem.

Every bee has a corresponding "anti-bee" that flies in a precisely mirrored pattern on the opposite side of the earth

The 2nd Amendment guarantees my right to a ballroom.

President Trump asks King Charles if he has a spare ballroom.

We’re one day closer to Trump leaving office (one way or another).

This day in history. 1993. Brazilian marine zoologist Diva Diniz Corrêa died, swathed to death by a giant Australian ribbon worm.

I've played lots of life sims but none of them were as stupid as the real thing

tramp stamp that says "be patient god's not finished with me"

god made me crazy good at taking dick

I don't know, Bob Marley, COULD I be loved?

I feel like some of you are actively trying to murder me

idk what else to say

rubbing my pussy for one hour

don't touch me im infected with katamari sickness

if Taco Bell did trading cards there would be signs at stores that said “sorry we are sold out of Taco Bell cards” I’m just being honest

when someone tells you who they are, listen. but when all your friends tell you who someone is, that’s when you need to find out for yourself at great personal cost

It doesn’t have to be a reimagining of the the mummy. It can just be a mummy movie. There could be more than one. I’d probably be less annoyed, generally, if there were. Don’t reimagine shit just make a mummy movie

if recent history was a movie sequel it would be gremlins 2

here’s a haiku for national poetry month, fuck insomnia 😩

there should be a hockey player whose last name is puppy

STFU -My brain, 50 times a day, to itself

venus of willendorf. that’s it. that’s the skeet

I'll just floss tomorrow

What’s your favorite thing to do? Mine’s doing your mom

Come Clean my Toilet to the tune of Melissa Etheridge's Come to my Window.

TRUMP SUPPORTERS: you wish he was dead? it’s like you think he’s a horrible excuse for a human being who should be wiped off the face of the earth ME: [Dora the Explorer voice] RIGHT!

this would be a huge loss if they paid taxes

who the fuck cares what Voldemort thinks

taco bell commercial with a contemporary song was on, immediately followed by a commercial with a 60’s song in it, and i felt my whole body relax going from one to the other. unexpected but understandable.

can someone ask wargen if he wants to be my friend again

TRUMP SUPPORTERS: Jimmy Kimmel should be fired for making a Donald Trump death joke ALSO TRUMP SUPPORTERS: [burn effigies of Obama, mock the death of Democrat lawmaker Melissa Hortman, make homophobic jokes about the attack on Nancy Pelosi’s husband Paul, make dementia jokes about Joe Biden]

okay im ready

Bring your mom out for Mother’s Day Brunch, 50% off our buffet and we’ll help you find a new dad in the Nickel Slot Cabaret

OK I’ve got a crazy idea how President Trump can increase his approval rating.

idk if i should be concerned or not that i never saw the initial report but hey, mazel tov i guess?

you know what, it was my fault for having a phone

We are witnessing the emergence of a ratio previously thought by scientists to be impossible

the people have developed false flag fatigue lol even if this one wasn’t, the combination cry wolf & many of the least credible conspiracy dipshits being the “🚨 #BREAKING” report posters already has the historically most ardent supporters even questioning this shit now

let me teabag you with some knowledge

lolin at the chyron to this clip saying “no time to be playing political games”

What’s up with all the dying scientists?

Seriously though, if you're on the fence about reading Absolute Martian Mindhunter, do it. I'm not a comics guy, and this is really special. Very few things in any kind of media I've experienced pack this kind of visceral punch.

an apparatus is just a gadget that went to grad school

(hopeful tears in eyes) Building this marble ballroom is not about President Pageants. It's about America.

edible complex? sounds delightful

smoking on dog cigarette (7 regular cigarettes taped together sorta haphazardly and i’m wheezing trying to get them all to light at the same time and it’s not really working)

??? homie, what set you from?

All it takes is a good guy with a ballroom to stop a bad guy with a ballroom

monday rally reminder- our reps fucking hate to hear from us en masse, and calling and writing them to tell them this sucks can be a very effective way to get them to change theirs minds on this. We don’t have to just go along for the ride, they do work for us, after all www.usa.gov/elected-offi...

one of the many reasons inflation is bad: quarters are way too cool a coin to be worth dog-shit-nothing

As a leg man, I can’t confidently say how I would feel about you as a worm

Finally, a block. It's been days. Y'all are too nice <allegedly>

Proctology is located in A55

Calling for talk show hosts to be fired when the Director of the FBI is a drunk is so typical

Small baby bunnies are ridiculously cute. And really good at camouflage.

I wish I was one of those people who can’t sit still. I can sit very still and for a long time

Nazis, brought to you by Facebook and instagram.

Instead of losing money on ads to my email.. take that money directly back off the food or I'm never ordering a $20 sandwich no sides

I feel like you've all forgotten how handsome I am

if nothing else, @mayorjacobfrey.bsky.social is consistent in somethings

Wilco wants you to relax

Did you know they sell meal kits for baby food... I've entered a whole new world and since it is $.25+ cheaper per pouch, and supposedly less preservatives and sugar than the grocery store.. i will probably keep this if k eats it I do puree foods for all meals and this place had a bunch to try

I know it’s time for a haircut when I put it in a ponytail and my husband wakes me up in the middle of the night because my hair wrapped around his throat and tried to murder him.

INTERVIEWER: describe your defining attribute ME: i'm curious... INTERVIEWER: go on ME: i'm curious to know what "defining attribute" means

your honor i have the screenshots

the good news is that a lot of lawyers he hires like this to his administration are woefully inept and do little to nothing to help further his agenda.

your honor the have the screenshots

it’s honestly offensive to consider cops in the realm of first responder & you say nothing of any relief for those who work with the same people as the cops while unarmed & in therapeutic means that’s been proven to reduce criminogenic recidivism along with overall public & social costs

God doesn’t seem to be cutting people down like he should. I volunteer to cut them down instead.

My male stripper name is Chester Drawers

I didn’t fall into a ring of fire. If someone could point it out to me though I’m down for it.

ah, there it is; cue the pyrotechnics & fly in from the top rope for that political capital girly bop

music.apple.com/ca/album/hyp...

Some of you don't interact and so don't start now.

I need you to know about these www.albanesecandy.com/the-essentia...

but only i can prevent forest fires your honor

columbo is cool and all ,but he’s also a bastard

There’s no picking one thing to be mad at. There’s dozens of things and they all deserve attention.

My physical copy of Nine Sols finally came in. I'm holding a Nintendo cartridge with my name in the credits. It's as a crowdfunding backer, but it still counts.

a book of short stories about the appendix, the coccyx, & wisdom teeth called Vestigial Tales somebody write that down

One thing about GenX we do not fuck with black holes, quicksand, hot lava, or piranha

donald trump also thinks drinking coke prevents cancer and orange soda is fresh squeezed juice; none of these things deserve the media’s serious attention

I always try unless what im trying is too expensive to fix.. the most success I've had is doing my osmosis thing and it's currently leaking so i turned the water off to it .. until i have time to think about it

Damn, John was MAD mad last night. Good.

Me singing Phantom's 'Masquerade' but I keep just screaming ASS PARAAAAADE

I have emergency access to most issues i try.. plumbing ive had to call more than once over watching YouTube videos and then being in a situation.. but I've never heard of emergency concrete fixer

Here’s what I eat in a day living with imposter syndrome…

We all correctly guessed Adolf, mentalist.

Ok say i buy a bunch of paver sealant and immediately screw up my porch.. will that fix cost more than someone else doing it originally

Ok say i buy a bunch of plaver sealant and immediately screw up my porch.. will that fix cost more than someone else doing it

brings to mind the commercial for an ai agent with a young woman farmer talking about how she is uploading decades of hand written family farming info so it can analyze, recommend, and make charts and plans for her. And it’s like congrats you’ve just lost the thread. What happens when that goes away

I need adult supervision i think..i just need you to stand near me while i make messes in my home while tellimg me its normal

music.apple.com/ca/album/kil...

cult of fucking weirdo

So kali and i are playing fetch and doing well.. she's getting it and bringing it back.. remi sees our joy, steals the ball, and won't give it.. don't fetch or bring it here. Hoards it, then tries to tease kali by dropping it quickly and picking it back up and running off.. so rude.. game over

So kali and i are playing fetch and doing well.. she's getting it and bringing it back.. remi sees our joy, steals the ball, and won't give it.. don't fetch or being it here. Hoards it, then tries to tease kali by dropping it quickly and picking it back up and running off.. so rude.. game over