Recent posts by Internet Weirdos on Bluesky

life tip: hold their hand, make them laugh and don’t be a dickhole twatwaffle.

i got my cat into his carrier without him clawing my face off, this is it, my highest achievement, i am going to retire now

Accidentally used the same slice of bread as both the top slice and the bottom slice of a sandwich and now I'm under arrest for making a non-euclidian hypersandwich

Looks like Glinner is back on the menu, boys

Omg you guys i have a dr appt this morning, got out of the bath to messages that it’s cancelled bc she’s sick. Best news EVER. Fuck YESSSS. I takes the wins were I finds them

"What makes you so much more worthier of your peace? What makes you so much more worthier of protecting your children? What makes you so much more worthy of your citizenship? What makes you more worthy of safety?"

Bluesky displaying my bad posts is hostile and political.

people getting mad at the steely dan unknown pleasures t shirt

sneaking this stock photo of @marshallscott.bsky.social into one of my client's newsletters for the elderly

Yeah, done with your shit.

Guy who got his dick stuck in his pants zipper because he ignored everyone saying "do not get your dick stuck in your pants zipper": I'm a free thinker and I do my own research

Every day with this shit man

A horrible story but god bless this woman so accurately reading the ICE goons for filth here

They stole ALL OF HER MONEY. kfor.com/news/local/were-citizens-oklahoma-city-family-traumatized-after-ice-raids-home-but-they-werent-suspects/ 'We're citizens!': Oklahoma City family traumatized after ICE raids home, but they weren't suspects

They stole ALL OF HER MONEY. kfor.com/news/local/w...

This is infuriating and absurd. Set the man free. apple.news/AP7XPaiioSKO...

Don't forget to kiss a big account's ass for clout today!

Hmm. Not used to Amazon doing good things. It obviously serves their interests, which is why they’re doing it, but still. apple.news/AcwhIgqi4TLu...

Tim Armstrong always needs someone in his band who can yell

When Bluesky keeps crashing

c'mon bud -- the exception made for allowing slavery & involuntary servitude etc is when *convicted* of a crime so, in this noted exception here, slavery remains legal

born to be rich, forced to "hi welcome in what can i get started for you?"

Wile E. Coyote ass presidency

I SAID YES!!!!!! 💍🥂🥳🎉 i asked myself if i wanted another cup of coffee.

it’s ok trump i’m extremely unpopular too

i still would like to think an octopus is going to move into that fighter jet and do some really cool shit

“you have to understand, this is a policy that has long-term implications, so it needs to become the boring, completely accepted status quo before we begin to see the benefits. also, it’s not real.”

Heads up: i have begun practicing the Wim Hof method, including cold exposure therapy. It is day one, and I am already an enlightened, superior human being. A handshake is available upon request.

brb finding someone to date from a non-extraditable country

I came here from the future to tell you. learn to fucking spell

Radiohead Stop Complaining About The Popularity Of Creep Challenge

the feminine urged to run a little seaside coffee shop that used to be a lighthouse where i can lure unsuspecting men to their deaths as i slowly turn into the sea witch i was always meant to be.

The real wolves inside us were the friends we made along the way

with Mother’s Day on the horizon I’d like to say if raised my kids like i was raised I would quite literally be in locked up for child neglect. Now, my mother basically has no children: my sister is dead my brother is in prison and I don’t intend to speak with her again. She can enjoy her day tho

i don’t want to brag but if i had been laura ingalls i would have been a huge whore

Y’all, please preorder OR buy this book when it drops next Tuesday.

Who called it learning subtraction instead of teaching us a lessen?

i have come here from the future to tell you. learn to spell

I have no thoughts and I must post

bluesky gaslighting us smh

i can’t see straight right now. i can’t see gay either . maybe i need new glasses ?

if they ever introduce a tariff on hog, bluesky is in big trouble

On another note *sounds of gargling glass*

A lot of people i know irl have moved to TX in the last ten years and the only constant is they are all fucking assholes and/or religious extremists. Dear Assholes, pls continue to move out of Cali and into Texas.They have plenty of room for your giant sphincters. We don’t need you or ur $$

one time, i couldn’t remember the word “charcuterie” but then it came to me...charcuterie, charcuterie, charcuterie, i’d say to myself over & over & over so i wouldn’t forget it & hold on that wasn’t the word. nvm😬

paul in the bluesky server room gnawing through the wires that hold the posts

[Cardi B voice] big ass pancake

my dog has more instagram followers than me and i’m only a little mad about it.

When writing science fiction, always Google your made-up planet name—9 times out of 10, it's an existing yeast infection medication.

🚨 WHITE HOUSE: MODS? MODS???

tryingggggggg to post a thread and bluesky said no!

the muppets in your fave tv shows: thread

muppets in your face tv shows: thread

if you’re gonna make up shit about me at least throw in a dragon and some leprechauns.

“why capitalism is not racist … and, in fact, helped free the slaves;” you don’t say

It's a hostile and political act to accurately state what we did

So I see you've posted a joke without taking into account the fact that I don't know how to read

I lied. There’s no sex. Get dressed, we have to find the Ark of the Covenant

i too am rebuilding the middle class by killing them

More of this, Dems. Pritzker nails it –

coffee ain’t gonna cut it today i need to be tasered.

Isn't it weird when songs seem to be playing faster than usual? Interviewer: ...questions about the role

coffee love you in my cup give me thoughts and light me up if I lost you I would die give me just some will to try put some lightning in my head help me just get out of bed give me that good energy fourteenth time I've had to pee

coffee love you in my cup give me thoughts and light me up if I lost you I would die give me just some will to try put some lightning in my head help me just get out of bed give me lots of energy fourteenth time I've had to pee

Here comes the no-no police telling me I’m not allowed to be stabbed by The Knife Toilet

I would stop posting here but it's the only purely social interaction I have

Sure, I’ll take a receipt for paying my power. It’s just nice to know I can return it if I need to.

On a scale of 1 to duh, surely a death row pardon that comes too late or dying horribly in a plane crash is slightly more unfortunate than finding an insect in your wine, regardless of whether or not it’s ironic?

Hoping I live to 100, as I have so much more to complain about.

bluesky went down on me twice this morning and it’s not even my birthday

i overshot by quite a bit

The computer keyboard should have a horn in the middle like a steering wheel

if you know what my posts mean don’t tell me i love a good mystery

poured my coffee in my to-go mug then walked out the door without it two seconds later

The Onion is a satirical newspaper, sure, but don't some of their articles ring true? Sometimes I have to turn around and check the front of the newspaper to know which I'm reading!

I bet if I keep refreshing over and over that will fix it.

we must save the NIH; this research is too important to lose pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC...

telling people my baby news broke the site

Since Bluesky is only intermittently working it’s critical that I let everyone know tha

The Bluesky servers have reset to factory settings, please repost all your posts since you first joined.

I don't understand why we call them 'apartments' when they bring people so close together.

There is no shame in this house No room for the judgements of those who do not speak our sacred language You kneel in holy contrition and receive your absolution Baptized in the truth of what you are what you need where you belong Hang your guilty conscience on the hook by the door You won't need it

Hate when i’ve been detoxing all week, and it’s only been an hour.

I CHEWS VIOLINS

what is bingo wings called when it’s my moobs?

a raging, toilet-destroying bout of diarrhea would fix me

I got your reply and I'm going to need less information.

Bluesky just experienced another Rapture, only the sinners are left.

Feeling normal. Feeling fine.

President Trump’s mistake with Canada was the same as the one he’s made throughout his life with women he’s met: trying to force himself on them despite their repeatedly resisting his overtures.

going to work to interpret some data

i’ll have a latte with a shot of muscle relaxers pls

Plans to increase storage? @support.bsky.team

that one friend that parties a little too hard when you go camping

well once again my bid to become Prime Minister of Canada fails people keep telling me that my plan to not campaign at all and just smoke weed on my couch and not be a Canadian citizen won't work but i think if I keep at it I'll get there eventually

We’re one day closer to Trump leaving office (one way or another).

NGLs only have two kinds of responses: "OMG ur so beautiful and I love ur smile and I want to marry you and wake up next to you" and "do u liek to fuk".

Imagine checking bsky to ask if bsky is down. Idiot. I’m the idiot.

Anyone else have a mild anxiety attack when @bsky.app didn’t load?