Recent posts by Internet Weirdos on Bluesky

a chris in the hand is hemsworth two in the bush

Update, no heloc.. The heloc guy said get 0% credit cards. That rates are suppose to go down twice this year for that btw.(he said they say that and don’t do it) So got approved for 2 credit cards. I’m paying 10k less than ny guy and getting another room’s floor done. Starts in 2 weeks

you mean among the ones (currently) with rights?

Incredible stuff happening at Spencer’s Gifts

If someone had never heard the phrase "dead, lifeless eyes" and wanted an explanation, you could pull up any photo ever taken of Mr. Beast. Unmistakable.

You’d think Socrates would’ve been upset at being forced to die by drinking hemlock but he was philosophical about it.

NEW @nafmcpodcast.bsky.social w/ TALLADEGA NIGHTS -sprained a boob -birthday girl -2nd email -jelly roll rant -new flavour -snake poser -quiz, medals and ratings open.spotify.com/episode/6xWt... podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/t...

Seeing stuff online about the fuck ICE chant at AEW where people are like "wow I can't believe that happened with a pro wrestling audience" and I always forget how askew people's perception of the average modern pro wrestling fan is

I, for one, am looking forward to Kamala Harris's Mr. Beast arc.

Look, not all of us can afford to go to Disneyland

not to be constantly complaining but i hate all of this

'Sup, geometric fuckers?

INTERVIEWER: can i see your resume ME: *slides paper across desk* INTERVIEWER: this is just a note that says “do u like me __yes __no” ME: *averts eyes* well do u INTERVIEWER: *bites end of pencil* idk maybe

Kid Rock looks like my uncle who threatened me from atop a hillside wearing battle camo because I left a tv in his front yard (yeehaw)

Good article on the risks that need to be considered when taking blood thinners. I'll point out one thing, though - Aspirin isn't a "blood thinner". It deactivates platelets directly, so can be an adjunct treatment to blood thinners. Or a dangerous drug to take alongside blood thinners.

i’m getting my tattoos touched up after work anddddddd if you love me.. pls send money via my linktree for a new tattoo while i’m there. thank you. xo.

patiently waiting for the day that one (1) thing in my life works out

If you’re in NY, please send your state senator this message via @foodandwater.bsky.social. It takes less than a minute. We need to get oil and gas out of people’s homes. act.foodandwaterwatch.org/page/93168/a...

An owl woke me early this morning. I stood and looked out the window and just caught its silhouette flying. I realize there’s something deeply mystical and perhaps prophetic about this, but I’m still going to tweet about bearded clams today

While I can’t completely ignore that 73% of all internet traffic is the result of malicious bot activity, I can push back by reskeeting good people and posting meaningful observations about bearded clams

Perhaps I shall donate my oeuvre of bearded clam tweets to the Library of Congress

If this place goes down me and my oeuvre of bearded clam takes are going down swinging

Aye, I am bearded, as ye fabled clams of yore

A few words and phrases I worry will go out of style: Moxie, dungarees, first-time home buyer, bearded clam, and etc

How you gonna keep 'em down on the farm after they’ve seen a bearded clam?

your beaver is eager? my beaver’s a bush leaguer we are not the same

🤼‍♂️

fucking up a whole building’s security to aggressively kidnap one person while of course not having any amount of judicial warrant to do so

One of the best to ever do it.

I’m in the optometrist’s waiting room with 2 pairs of broken glasses 💪

Avowed Christian Donald Trump has never heard of praying before meals.

If Russia had something to do with it why would you send Russia's agent in?

"Being in the Epstein files is actually a good thing."

does anyone in power take issue with the fact that he’s batshit crazy? anyone?

I want a puffy blanket skirt with an eagle on it! Ca caw!!

im gonna nap allllll morning

pepsi ceo: we need a tagline for Mountain Dew marketing guy: how about Just Dew It pepsi ceo: that’ll never catch on marketing guy: ok what about Do the Dew pepsi ceo: that’ll do marketing guy: what pepsi ceo: what

bro (feat. ross douthat) who the fuck is “we” here?

Uhhhhhhhhh... no the fuck we aren't

I forgot to go to bed

(To the person next to me in line at the DMV) Are you also here because the plastic rectangle that proves you exist got too old and you needed a new one?

i commissioned a new portrait from @geraldinepiche.bsky.social and she nailed it perfectly as usual. she is incredibly talented and open for commissions so go get yours! xo.

I just got half-chub thinking about raisin toast if you want to know what getting old is like

When faced with a difficult decision I like to ask what would Jesus do? The problem is he answers in Aramaic.

"Republicans are counting on those losing the ACA subsidy dying before they can register their disapproval in the November midterm elections."

Worst song name ever.

All eyes on Iran. The “heavy price” the NYT so casually euphemizes is oftentimes death. Mass death.

*majestic organ music plays as i place my lips on the mic* butts

I don’t know, fam. The only bathroom guy actually responding, checking in, and waiting on me is the NY type. Two other companies are disorganized, not quoting, not replying, driving me bananas. At this point I might get a Sopranos episode in my house—he demoed Saturday and had tile up by Monday.

BECOME UNGOVERNABLE

"Everything's interconnected, man." -me, high at Legoland

ME: why are cat’s noses cold? I mean if they were room temperature I’d get it. But cold? Do they have a tiny air conditioner in their heads? MY VET: please, I have a family

Like a fart phoenix, she rises from the asses

Who's to say whether the swine are enjoying them or not? They're my pearls, I'll cast them where I want.

Me (mouth full): You're a forklift operator? Like if a forklift needs surgery? My date: We *just* sat down, were those mashed potatoes in your pocket?

If you call it your morning constitutional, it sounds way better than shitting with your eyes closed and the shower running

They've lost the rasslin' fans

Looking forward to announcing my retirement from things.

they just called they’re running out of your mom

You ever watch 'My Neighbor Totoro' and think to yourself "this is great, but it needs way more violence and dick jokes?" I strongly recommend @brockway.bsky.social's 'I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200'

the fuck did the cat do to deserve that??

rewatched once upon a time in hollywood and brad pitt fights bruce lee because even in 1969 hollywood needed white guy supremacy fanfic

Home Depot employee I've bribed with $27 for "five minutes alone with the paint mixer, no questions asked": And you're *not* gonna fuck it? Me: I said no questions asked.

spoiler alert: this article is NOT referring to blast beats

Picked up a shift at—

Putting a chrome skull knob on the gear shift of a sensible automatic transmission car is a solid bit.

The armor of ironic detatchment isn't built with a trap door. It just keeps filling with shit and piss until you drown in it.

google is a ouija board when the person who answered the question is dead.

google is a ouija board when the person who answered your question is dead.

[Multiple respiratory pandemics sweeping through world populations] Immune systems: yo shut the fuck up, we need to see what's up with this peanut molecule

Ahh Prince Zuko they are called Reel Big Fish and it's spelled R-E-E-L! Clever and a beat you can dance to *Zuko storms off* Ah well I thought it was funny

*Turns to camera*

Tales of Long-Covid Batman

The GOVERNMENT LAWYER saying her family too could just as easily be detained by her client for not being white.

PedoDash

Elon Musk says he never visited Epstein Island, but turns out Epstein Island visited him.

We’re one day closer to Trump leaving office (one way or another).

This day in history. 1913. Greek aviators Lieutenant Michael Moutoussis and Ensign Aristeidis Moraitinis carried out the first naval air mission. Ensign Moraitinis lost control of his Farman MF.7 hydroplane when he flew too close to the sun and melted his moustache wax. Tragic.

up early and bored. AMA. ngl.link/theriotgrler...

Maybe these dumbfucks shouldn’t vote since they can’t comprehend basic facts. To attain citizenship, you need to know and understand basic facts. Let’s give MAGA a citizenship test

Today I learned that a “buttload” is roughly 130 gallons of wine

fulfilling my darkest desires at the candy factory

some say the schwan man is still out there but I think they killed him a long time ago

A support group for clumsy people where we share pics of our unexplained bruises

hey dude I can’t hang out after all because I have to drive to the hot dog restaurant again for the second time this week. I am so sorry

I'll just floss tomorrow

let’s get matching tattoos and donuts

Lost my grandmother last night. Her fault she should’ve been wearing her gps tracker.

Call me shellfish, I have a hard exterior, but am a big softie inside Also I’m a slut bb 💅🏼🦞✨

[post-apocalypse] “Great to be here folks. My name’s Tough and Stringy Meat. Who all’s from the Giant Wasteland? Anyone?” [silence] “How about the Vast Plane of Fire? I hear it’s warm there this time of year, haha.” [long pause] FROM THE BACK: Let’s eat him! “Hahaha remember the name.”

i only watch porn to calculate the angle of the sun in the background, info with which i can decipher the approximate location of the production itself

eating tacos like a pro

BIRD 1: scissors BIRD 2: scissors ME: stone

🎶 Meet the new boss, same as the old boss –Bruce Springsteen, after cloning himself

wanna find out who the swagger coach is on bridgerton cuz the glow up these dudes get that take them from absolute goober to the babiest babe in a year. they must be at the top of their field

🎶 Yo, yo, yo, yo mama's... ...auto parts (yow)

google a question and if the person who answered has died it basically makes google a working ouija board.

Please look at this thread

under communism no one person will be able to be insufferable and make us all miserable. instead, we will all be insufferable. together.