Recent posts by Internet Weirdos on Bluesky

Showing your child affection improves their mental and physical well-being, increases brain development, and might even one day save the American taxpayers forty-five million dollars.

how bout we each keep playing the uno reverse cowgirl card until i’m just spinning in circles on your dick

Breaking: Department of Energy to roll back provisions permitting boys to participate in girls’ games of “Electricity Tag.”

do you think ivanka's old nose will be at the parade

Saturday muffin

This website is free

can’t stop photoshopping the lead singer of creed into movie scenes: thread

Hoardes of violent racists, sadistic sociopaths, and sex criminals have been officially forgiven for their sins and recruited into defacto gov't goon kidnap/disappear/kill squads. That's it, that's my post

God could do the funniest thing today.

So apart from that, what else is happening today?

We should welcome all opportunities for President Trump to be standing outside during thunderstorms.

Id appreciate it if he fuked of🖕😈

my skin is so fair i get sunburnt just from a particularly toothy smile and also the regular way

Another entry in our irregular contest “Is he there as a Three Percenter or in his role as federal law enforcement?” — answer in the replies!

Check out my new Frog & Toad shirt from TJ Maxx

AITA? I (79m) am throwing myself a big birthday party, pretty expensive but I don’t have to pay. A lot of people think it’s a bad look and are unhappy. Screw them but now it’s going to rain and it’s outside and I’m not even really excited anymore but I have to go through with it. Am I the asshole?

Pushing a pull door should count as a therapy session. That moment of hesitation afterward? Growth

Breaking: Army soldiers in period uniforms at President Trump’s birthday military parade mistakenly told they are to reenact British troops in the War of 1812 and proceed to burn to the ground the White House and U.S. Capitol.

the virus that causes shingles is already inside me

sorry, i can’t try any new things until the old things stop making me sick

they will call this the diss-topia

y’all want scott stapp from creed in famous paintings or movies?

So I’m on the bad side of the algos today because of location. And the people are stating individually they intend to cause harm to protesters. I know they are just being disgusting humans talking shit.. but they are also dumb with money and weapons I’ve heard them praise January 6th #florida

The Army military parade will include a dramatic re-enactment of the iconic “Trump Crossing the Seventeenth Fairway.”

So I’m on the bad side of the algos today because of location. And the people are staying individually they intend to cause harm to protesters. I know they are just being disgustings human talking shit.. but they are also dumb with money and weapons

President Trump’s birthday military parade will include a salute to “the unsung heroes” of doctors willing to provide draft officials with letters of draft medical deferments.

this dude will 💯 give you a uti

get that shit flowin’ Sierra Mist blowin’

Let’s not lose sight of the fact that President Trump is such a loser he had to demand his employees throw a birthday party for him.

gotta be honest a bunch of fascist weirdos trying to bring about the end times isn’t really doing it for me

We’re one day closer to Trump leaving office (one way or another).

Good morning friends. I’m probably going to talk some garbage today so to save my future job potential-returning to no image. I just felt like saying hi

*when i’ve heard & understood what someone’s said to me* me: what?

If anyone's free later I finally convinced my friend The Ancient One to emerge from his catacombs for the first time in 4000 years, he's super excited to try halloumi sticks

If you like a tiny nose sniffing your coffee while you drink it, get a cavapoo

Move along buddy

The real horror was the trauma bonds we formed along the way.

I like to check in on my home state every now and then and see how it's going. It looks like chiropractors run the sub now.

What's good for the goose is good for the people that are bombing the geese

What's good for the goose is good for the people that were bombing the geese

*coming home to find your roommate Derrick has turned the AC down to 68* Well, well, well. You've feathered a fine nest for yourself here haven't you, Derrick?

This title was released in 1930, and Dame Agatha's been dead nigh on 50 years. But what's a few decades among friends of a giant vampiric corporation?

stewing in unconsciousness for a bit

I've never admitted this to anyone but I'm going to bed

An ICE agent can always claim they found a non-criminal suspect in the presence of a criminal because the ICE agent was there.

we're at the pacsun beach ballyhoo come thru

What do you mean you don’t want this XL picture of poop hanging on your wall? You said you love shit posters

getting my pussy ate guys

Not my cat that comes for dinners has decided she will no longer go home at all and she now lives on my porch. My cats hate this. Day 3.

Is it a coincidence that Jesse James is remembered as some American hero when in fact he was a POS confederate soldier? Probably not.

Therapy is expensive. I can just stare at myself in the mirror and say ‘That’s on you’ for 50 minutes while a clock ticks in the background.

[waking up on Saturday the 14th] HAHA I LIVED! NICE TRY, BAD LUCK, BUT ONCE AGAIN I’VE *grand piano somehow falls through roof onto me*

Dirty commies call each other comrade, but slutty commies get called cumrade

A group of people that all trust and sleep with each other is called a cumaraderie

I met Dave Barry and he insulted my flip phone.

I'll just floss tomorrow

the movie Secretary (2002) staring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal

some of you have never experimented with drugs and that’s okay as long as you don’t mind being uncool

help it’s after midnight and my brain won’t stop saying ‘jism hosiery’

No Kings BUT Many Queens

if numbers are so real then why can’t I eat them -me, winning a philosophical argument

forget pillows let’s build a fort out of sandwiches

ME (inviting Dennis DeYoung to descend a rock face by using a doubled rope): 🎶 Come abseil away, come abseil away, come abseil away with me

Maybe for funsies we could climb to the top of the telephone pole and practice balancing on the wires

well i was waiting in the car while these photos were taken and let me tell you I got a lot of weird looks from the cops

Hahaha those stupid Friday night posts that make you wanna delete in the morning

Kinda missing how my tongue feels against another's skin

Dear Donald

I dunno I just think that we're better off stoned and wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket

knife prty tonight ??

A jackpot is only as inversely exciting as your last big loss.

I don't know why we're choosing to doom scroll when there's like a gazillion doggy videos we could be watching

Stop me if you've heard this one before

digital bath 2 nite queen

i don’t care if nobody likes this one i like this one it’s got toe mouths in it

the secret is to never admit you want anything, to long behind a face blank as an apartment wall and never ever dream with your glittering eyes open

The real test of adulthood is how excited you get about new sponges

*Arresting Vets on Capitol Hill. Whitehouse.gov is a parody page now

This guy is going to be graveyard dead from a massive embolism shitting on the toilet tomorrow

hell yeah Pete supporting the rights of woman in the workplace

been making a gray alien take cuervo shots all night and now little dude is fucked up

Oh, YOU’RE anxious? I just threw up on an old lady sitting beside me in the middle of a Sunday sermon that hasn’t even happened yet at a church I’ve never heard of and do not attend

Happy birthday to the king

The video is in here. That’s about all I can say that’s fit to print. apple.news/AwPb0RHOoRBG...

[holding my own wrist] must… not… critique… people… mostly correct… on same side

Other countries should take note. The USA cannot be trusted in negotiations, they are a rogue nation and a state sponsor of terrorism.

Chief Marketing Officer: We need a name for our new tire company. Recently Divorced Dave:

there's darkness in my heart and mischief in my pussy

banh mi and spring roll #dinner

downtown DC is just like dozens of miles of kind of sad looking almost totally unmanned barricades right now lol

a pop up book that kills you

My therapist said ‘write down your thoughts.’ Now I have a notebook that just says ‘WHY????????????’ 47 times. Progress!

it's bullshit that a panic attack doesn't attack my panic

Attack on Titan and Frasier take place in the same universe

i ordered starbucks at work today & i was waiting outside my company’s door for the delivery person & i see a guy coming towards me w a bag so i grab it & say “hi is this for kim?” & he grabs it back & says no it’s my lunch so i look up and it’s one of the attorneys i work with so i have to quit now

anyone else noticing how many typos there are in nightreign?

a baptism by fire sounds horrible that poor baby

Not much for conspiracy theories, but I don’t believe Nancy Reagan was real

not to brag but today’s my friday

Got distracted in the middle of a funny bit because someone called peas a vegetable, and I’m going to need one of you to slap me.