Duke's Least Worst

"Morning, Jim!" "Hey, Tom."

every day we see more and more evidence of society descending into utter lawlessness and chaos

i smell a pulitzer

for the potato fears not death

brian was starting to think that maybe his mom wasn’t coming back

decades-long manhunt finally ends

“Give me your hand!” “But-“ “You’re gonna have to trust me!”

“WHO YOU CALLING A BUNCH OF PANSIES?!?”

“Can we go outside and play now?” “Soon, boy.” “You said that ten minutes ago.” “As soon as I finish my cof-“ “Oops.” “You did that on purpose.” “It slipped.” “I’ll get my coat.” “Excellent.”

I don’t think it will all fit in there.

“I know you think you’re being funny, but honestly Dave, it’s just hurtful.”

i think both sides are to blame here

woegurt

“Who’s at the door?” “Bee.” “Fine, who be at the door?”

alien graffiti can be pretty hurtful 😔

David Attenborough [whispering]: “The dual-finned Canadian land shark surfaces briefly, scouting the area for signs of potential prey.”

omg they even ate the bones

i'm no stephen hawking but i think what happens is that they cancel each other out

“Good day, sir. I’d heard you’d recently come into possession of some bread. I see that I was not misinformed. As it so happens, I too enjoy baked goods. Might you be persuaded to part with a small percentage? I would of course offer fair compensation at the current market rate.”

car not found

the seventh grader in me wants to high five whoever did this

[animal shelter] “I see Mittens is back again?” “Yeah, third time now.” “Who dropped him off?” “Dunno, some dude with one arm.”

ME: *points at my "World's Greatest Dad" shirt* CO-WORKER: *points at his own "World's Greatest Dad" shirt* ME: *takes a sip from my "World's Greatest Dad" mug* CO-WORKER: *sips from his own "World's Greatest Dad" mug* ME: [eyes narrow] *draws "World's Greatest Dad" sword*