My Latest Tricks

batman has midlife crisis and starts a more comprehensive night time moisturiser and anti-aging serum ritual for the lower half of his face

when I say that I am going to bed and I don't, know that this is a test of humanity's free will

saying "For Pete's sake" twice is the same as saying "For Repete's sake"

I'd go to bed right now but my heart is in san francisco

if I worked for disney no I wouldn't

you know you're old when the only function of a selfie stick is to help you read your texts

demonstrating tremendous courage by exceeding the parking limit by 5 minutes

we wouldn't all die of AI slop if sarah connor had just raised john right

still badass skipping out on the school reunion like I skipped out on school

important caturday message the black panther's outfit needs a tail

I feel like the captain america of skeeting. I could do this all day.

if you can't deal with your cat at her worst then you deserve her

the scariest thing about halloween are these frightening pfp's with spooky handles. like how did you get onto my feed and if I give you candy will you go away?

*slipping handfuls of m&m's into all of your jacket's pockets 🥰*

thanks to time zones it’s already Halloween in Australia

medusssssa wasssss onsssse a sssseductive temptressssss

spork is short for a speedy jork

no one takes classic fiction like great expectations or the american constitution seriously anymore

*this sext was written on my smart fridge, please excuse typos and brevity*

when I grow up I want to be a hot vet in your area

talk nerdy to me and we'll make an exothermy

@sentimentbot.bsky.social let's prove I'm not a sap

Clueless but it's me saying "As if" every time you say "Actually"

hey @snufkin7.bsky.social you asked me what a shitpost was but you deleted your comment before I could answer shitposts are posts that are not meant to be taken seriously even if they sometime appear serious. sorry if I confused you 🫶