PK's Bangers

back in the 80s every pop song featured a mandatory sax solo and we liked it that way

I had my 7th anniversary of sobriety this past weekend and I feel very lucky

if I had a boss I would simply jump on their head three times to defeat them

[first date] him: tell me a little about yourself her: I’m a veterinarian him: I’ve never been to veterinaria her: no I work with animals him: I hate my coworkers too her: check please

go ahead do a crime it’s basically legal now

call me a killjoy but the midnight train going anywhere sounds like a logistical nightmare

we’d all be a little healthier if we cut back on social media but then we might have to deal with our problems and that’s a nonstarter

[first date] him: what’s the one word that best describes you? me: I’m acerbic him: I’ve never met anyone from acerbia me: no it means I have a sharp tongue him: I bet that comes in handy when you’re chewing your food

computer: enter new password me: eek_eek computer: error—password is two eek

feed your desire for knowledge: devour books, saute treatises, serve pamphlets as hors d'oeuvres, snack on short stories, cram poetry into your mouth and chew it vigorously

a real poster posts even if there's no audience

I think cats should have wings

I follow shitposters almost exclusively and I highly recommend it to maintain your sanity

don’t go chasing butterballs please stick to the stuffing and the gravy you’re used to I know that you're gonna gobble turkey or nothing at all but I think you're chewing too fast

me: pardon me while I slip into something more comfortable *returns to the sea*

looking for someone to reenact the spaghetti scene from lady and the tramp with except it's a giant churro no weirdos

toyotathon just isn’t gonna be the same this year is it

bro you ever find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife and ask yourself well how did I get here bro

if eating pi is wrong then I don't want to be rational

maneater is my favorite song about eating a man

bad news: turns out bluesky was connected to the internet this whole time