PK Backwards

me: how much for the goth guinea pig? pet store clerk: that’s a hedgehog

Everything new is old again.

Youth is terrible idea that should be abolished.

So what is this... we just keep joining new apps until we die?

In recognition of our achievements as a species, I have decided to become a rock.

Your phone isn't a reflection of you. It is you. You have been a phone this whole time dreaming you were a person. Now you know the horrible truth. You are a phone that cannot scream.

Sometimes it feels pretty good to be the reason for the downfall of Western civilization.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Celebrate properly by murdering a holy man and burying him on the Via Flaminia.

an unhappy socrates is just a philosuffer send skeet

Gross if literal: headquarters

Eliminate your debt: claim that life insurance by proving you’re dead inside.

I’m surprised Taylor Swift didn’t shed her material form last night, revealing herself as one of the elder gods who will consume this world, but I suppose good things come to those who wait.

truth: I'm gonna set you free me: more like make me scream truth: hahaha me: HAHAHA truth: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Think of their health this Valentine’s Day by removing all the nougat from their chocolates.

Remember folks, Cupid rhymes with stupid for a reason.

Have a little societal collapse, as a treat.

I’m just a boy standing in front of a spider, asking it to spin me a web strong enough to confound my enemies. I don’t think it can understand me.

[me, trying on hats] 🎶 I can't get no... hat-isfaction 🎶

Current status: Continuing to decay at a normal rate.

Someone recommended a movie to me and I said “It’s on my list!” But that was a lie. I don’t even have a list.

Pronounces book like kook.

If we split Jeff Bezos’ wealth into equal parts, every person on Earth would receive $23.59. I think that’s good enough reason to overthrow capitalism.