My posts

if they ever introduce a tariff on hog, bluesky is in big trouble

tariff deez nutz

what is bingo wings called when it’s my moobs?

a raging, toilet-destroying bout of diarrhea would fix me

Sorry I’m late, your Mom wouldn’t let me go until I put a fresh scoop of Gravy Train in her bowl.

When you knock on the door of my secret club and are replied “who’s there?” the passphrase you’ll need is “Abe Froman, the sausage king of Chicago.”

the cindy crawford workout video is responsible for these guns

I could go for a Slush Puppie and a hot dog

I wonder if they’ll let me drive a golf cart around in costco

a self checkout that dispenses booze to you while you wait for help on that last item

pinball machine with rubber dicks for flippers

claw machine full of various snack cakes

she’s a ten but has cool ranch doritos breath

“leave me alone, please” should never be a problem

reaches into the pocket of your khaki cargo shorts while maintaining eye contact

favorite EA Poe story? Mine is The Fall of the House of Usher

I don’t know why it exists but also love that it does, the diversity in the crowds at the roller derby. Nothing like it.

and with a tap on the phone screen I moved into the “I wear Brooks sneakers” stage of life🙄