Lock's Top Skeets

My favorite part of the apocalypse has been the constant fatigue

Sorry I unfollowed you I didn't like you

Nicolas Cage: This script is amazing! Nicolas Cage's Agent: *shaking head* Nic, baby, that's just the contract

Good morning!

Has anyone said he's the Lyin' King yet?

Me: Are you sure this will make me feel better? Therapist: *beeps* Me: *retrieves Hot Pocket* If you say so

In one more month Air Force One will become Con Air

The Pina Colada song is a great story of two terrible people realizing they are soulmates

Maybe something did happen on Y2K and we just missed it

We need a movie called The Batmans in which all the Batman actors play Batman at the same time

I'm too stoned for your loquacious skeets, keep em short

*dropping an Alka-Seltzer into the bong*

We'd only have to wash clothes once if detergent actually deterred

The real tragedy is that no one even talks about how we fished mermaids into extinction

Welcome to The United States, we put all the horrible people in charge

Wrote a python script that emails my senators every morning with a copy of the us constitution attached

Before blocking please fill out this exit survey

First bloom of the season

*filling a coffee mug with eight shots of espresso* That should do it

Good morning!

Shitposts are the lubricant of Bluesky