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- 📅 Updated 10 months ago
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Not now, I’m elevating my feet to reduce my heat cankles
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I’m a grown, 46 yr old woman.
Of course I have a Labubu.
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Imagine being mean to me and I’m just over here dressing up my Labubu and strapping it into its carseat to take a trip to Walmart
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I’ll eat 7 string cheeses and hide the wrappers in your pillow case idgaf
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If you don’t sing “hold me closer Tony Danza”, we can’t be friends.
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No one:
Me: …see? stabbing wouldn’t be my method to kill somebody because I can’t even dice an onion…
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We’ve gone from “Muffins with Mom” to “Mimosas with with Mom” in a blink of an eye
No one prepared me for this
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We have transitioned from mud season to grass all over the floors season in a matter of two days…
Still faster than Shedeur got drafted
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So…how’s everyone doing?
I’ll go first, I’m doing bad.
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Without OSHA around, does this mean I can drink the floor cleaner?
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My mystery meat lean cuisine did not disappoint
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So you’re telling me I can only have two voodoo dolls now instead of 30?
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*blocks my children from texting me, achieves zen*
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I’m eating because I’m sad
and I’m sad because I’m eating
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You’re in his DMs.
He’s using my thighs as earmuffs.
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Do not bring me a vibe you can not maintain
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I literally have no use for paper bags. At least I reused plastic bags.
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*sets Guinness world record for most times ghosted
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Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy that isn’t a selfie.
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