Smillz

The existence of bed rotting implies the existence of bed thriving

Watching the Monaco Grand Prix and wondering if I’ve been pronouncing Twix wrong my whole life

Trying to bring that Lady Gaga energy but it keeps coming off more like Weird Al Yankovic

Trying to find a job in a hostel work environment

Pronouncing hostel like hotel to keep things classy

I’m definitely sure, maybe?

Pimpin* ain’t easy Parenting*

Are you there coffee? It’s me smillz

Good manners at dinner don’t masticate with your mouth open and keep your weenus off the table

I’m too tired to be ambitious

Nacho cheese sauce works for a liquid diet right?

My kids weren’t really sick I just didn’t want to go to your thing

I’ve reached the age where packs of wild youths roaming about in public makes me grumpy for no reason

Sleepy in the sheets Freaky in the skeets

PSA: cilantro scented hand soap tastes exactly how you would expect it to

Microdosing reality by looking up from my phone occasionally

Not diagnosed but I’m spectrum adjacent at the very least

Have you ever seen anyone shake a milkshake?

Wearing Birkenstocks because I’m tired of pulling myself up by my boot straps

Who called them sea monkeys when aqua apes was right there?

I put my pants on in the morning just like everyone else One sob at a time

Catholic New Yorkers riot in the streets

New pope declares deep dish the best pizza

What is moonbeam ice cream and where can I get some?