it me, kd

i can’t see straight right now. i can’t see gay either . maybe i need new glasses ?

one time, i couldn’t remember the word “charcuterie” but then it came to me...charcuterie, charcuterie, charcuterie, i’d say to myself over & over & over so i wouldn’t forget it & hold on that wasn’t the word. nvm😬

roses are red, don’t wanna spoil it, but

“that’s kelvin. that’s judy. no they’re grown now. that’s the dead wife. what? no she was alive in that scene. that’s the guy from the white lotus. that’s judy’s husband’s monkey. what no its a service monkey. what? bc...” - explaining the Righteous Gemstones to my bff who has a lot of questions

who dis ?

idk why they named that streaming platform Pluto when Uranus was right there 😬

francis bacon’s art was a form of eggistentialism. folks,,,

i like my eggs like i like my nose: runny. i like my eggs like i like my tigers: poached. i like my eggs like i like my detectives: hard-boiled. i like my eggs like i like my word search: smarcedbl . i like eggs, is what im saying 😬

bluesky’s back ! 𝕊ℍ𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕃𝔼𝕊 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊ℕ’𝕋 ℂ𝔸ℝ𝔼

knocked my salt shaker over & when i turned back to look at it, i turned into a spiller of salt . folks,,

time for my 1:00pm dose of red dye #2

🙏🏼 C P O A N P C A A L V 🙏🏼 E

i know you have me muted, Charlie Brown, & by Charlie Brown i mean you & by you i mean, no, not you, the other guy, the one over th… oh ffs nvm just forget i even said anything jfc FINE IT’S FINE, I SAID 😩

my candy reacting to the news that artificial food dyes are out

i bought a sports bra at a dollar store . your move, tjmaxxx

you just passed calculus ? congrats. i just passed calculi. Ow. Ow owwww 😫

oh no the Pope died 𝕊ℍ𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕃𝔼𝕊 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊ℕ’𝕋 ℂ𝔸ℝ𝔼

female deer: you look like a million bucks male deer: what

check out that dumb bunny. not that one. the one in the middle.

just ate a cheap foil-covered chocolate Easter egg & it was so disgusting, i ate 9 more to ensure my initial assessment was correct & guess what ? it was. i concur with me.

if you scream “FIRE IN THE HOLE” & then chuck an artichoke into your shopping cart, Pete Hegseth will show up at your home & give you a medal

“ooooh, look at you, sweating bullets,” i say, dripping with sarcasm (we are both wet in this scenario)