Jo's Picks

Therapist: Make yourself comfortable. Me: If I could do that, I wouldn't be here.

If by "morning person" you mean I wake up at 4 am staring into the inky blackness imagining horrific outcomes, then yes, I'm a morning person.

I've been up for 20 hours. There's no way I could perform surgery right now. Mainly, because I have no medical training.

Coworker: You look tired. Me: Apparently, I also look approachable.

Missed connection: I was vomiting in the bushes outside of Applebees and you asked me for a cigarette. Sorry I punched you.

I can tell that Spring is almost here because I'm filled with rage, but I also want to plant flowers.

Thank you for being a lunatic during this difficult time.

There's nothing wrong with an echo chamber of tolerance and intelligence.

I never know what to do with my hands when I'm driving.

I feel as though we've come too far as a society to go camping on purpose.

When your employer says "family comes first" they don't mean your family.

I'm in my mid fifties. If a photo of me is 5 years old, it's recent.

Thank you, baby Jesus, for helping my sports team win instead of helping starving children. I know that must have been a tough call.

If I have to "power through" something, then it's clearly not for me.

I had a Dorito stuck in my throat, so I pushed it down with an Oreo.

This is who you're mad at when you're mad at me.

Having an affair sounds exhausting.

My age is made apparent by the mug of pens on my desk.

When I attended AA meetings 30 years ago one of the first things they recommended was keeping a baby picture of yourself on hand to remind yourself that you're still that person; small, vulnerable and worthy of love. This is the one I carried of myself. And it really helped.

If I ever say "I'll make a note of it" and I'm not actively writing, I am lying to you.

When you suffer from Depression, self-care is a shower. Be gentle with yourself.

There's a shortage of jokes because the people who are typically funny are sitting on the floor of the shower rocking and crying.