der hexenkessel

On a scale of 1 to duh, surely a death row pardon that comes too late or dying horribly in a plane crash is slightly more unfortunate than finding an insect in your wine, regardless of whether or not it’s ironic?

Killing them with kindness is nicer but a broadsword is loads more fun.

My favouritest arches, ranked: 10. The Arch of Constantine, Rome 9. Archduke Franz Ferdinand 8. the matriarchy 7. Sterling Archer 6. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs 5. Archibald Leach 4. Indiana Jones (archaeologist, duh!) 3. the Japanese archipelago 2. archenemies 1. Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Feeling reflective, so I took off my high-vis jacket.

For an astrophysicist I use words like thingamajig, whatchamacallit, and whojamaflip far too often. In truth that’s unlikely to be the only reason I’m not an astrophysicist, but it’s probably as good a place as any to start.

The best way to avoid accidentally cutting yourself when slicing vegetables with a sharp knife is to get your kids to hold them instead. Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don't want you to know.

If birds really did suddenly appear every time you are near you’d make for an awful scarecrow.

Looking back on my life and some of the things I’ve done over the years I have to say it’s somewhat surprising to find I’m still alive.

Don’t tell anyone but I’m moving to Easter Island to get a monopoly on chocolate eggs.

‘I’m not going to argue with you’, I argue.

My jogging regime is very much stop-start at the moment in that I start to put on my running shoes but then I have to stop to catch my breath.

I’ll never forget when that girl did the ‘Basic Instinct’ thing opposite me on a crowded train. My mind may have embellished the memory a little though, such as how beautiful she was, how hairy her knees were, and how it’s true after all what they say about what Scottish men wear under their kilts.

Evil genius is still genius.

A real best man would lose the ring.

When I became a man, I embraced childish things.

Jeremy Irons, because Jeremy is a sharp dressed man.

Alexa, you’re making things up again.