Jenny Best

I’m tired of giving friendly advice. I’m going to start offering violent alternatives

*Jennifer Coolidge voice* I want to be in a coma real bad

I think I need some French fries when I get off work. Yes, I said need.

The Muppets already took Manhattan. Idk why they stopped. With their power, they could’ve easily taken many more.

“I asked grok” “I asked chatgpt” I asked my cat & he said meow & answered all the questions in the universe

I’m in a really bad place right now. By that I mean out of bed.

“You are who you hang out with” *never hangs out with anyone*

I sometimes can’t believe I’m the sperm that won

I’ve not been on a date in so long I’m unsure how long to wait before making serial killer jokes

*Jennifer Coolidge voice* I want an ice cream sandwich real bad

Murder, she hoped

I have the weekend off. I asked the cats if they were gonna help me clean the house & they walked away

If aliens abduct me they better take my cats too or I’m just gonna talk about them the whole time

What you should be focusing on in life -cheese -getting more cheese -eating all the cheese that you’ve acquired

Having agoraphobia means you prefer inside jokes

Sorry I didn’t reply. I didn’t want to.

I was a childless cat lady before it was cool

*bumps into counter & apologizes to it*

Welcome to your 40s where you read things about being in your 50s & you’re already experiencing them

I’m making mashed potatoes. If you’re coming over, bring steaks

Imagine hating me & im just over here watching cat videos at work

Someone loan me $12,000 that I’ll never pay back

I will never stop calling people “dude”

Me as a therapist: Have you tried eating some cheese then having a nap?

I hate when I’m craving something expensive. Like a life.