Greg the Miller Feeds Stats
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- 📅 Updated about 2 months ago
- ⚙️ Provider skyfeed.me
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Most environmental problems can be traced to 1991 Disney VHS tapes and their 17-inch toxic foam casing.
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“Do you realize how many sandwiches I’ve eaten in my car?” is a thing I say to impress people.
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I don’t know, I thought my Gerald Ford-themed sports bar was a good idea.
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Sports are the best way to have your day ruined by the inadequate athletic performance of strangers.
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You say it’s inexplicable, but I’m nonetheless over here trying to explic.
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For an old guy like me, the internet is a scary place full of undefined acronyms, celebs you’ve never heard of, and a maddening lack of capital letters.
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To all Nicholes and Meghans: I’m sorry about your useless H.
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I’m going to name a university after my state and then put the word “state” after it to make sure people know it’s a state.
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Most of modern life is just listening to somebody list side effects for a drug you’ll never take.
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The only thing I’d do with a time machine is go back to 2007 and buy 800 bags of $2.99 Doritos.
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I don’t like crime procedurals, superheroes, or horror movies — so, basically, for entertainment I quietly stew alone in a dark room.
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Give me your fax number, I have a hilarious Gerald Ford joke I wanna send you.
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I look so good in the bathroom mirror of this dimly-lit dive bar… ohhhh, I’m ugly.
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Am I going to get “crunk” tonight?
No, I don’t think people who have a favorite bookmark can legally get crunk.
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“Do you sell content?” I ask, with the intention of buying a 2,000-word essay on the French Revolution.
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Let’s not argue about who’s the bigger nerd — I dreamt about Ulysses S. Grant last night. I win.
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As a bald man, I’m allowed to say “bald.” The rest of you are required to say follically impaired.
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Welcome to my new restaurant, Spork Chops — you’ll soon be issued a handcrafted spork to go with your meat.
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My face, while disagreeable to look at, does a lot of neat things like breathing, eating, and seeing.
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This year for Halloween I’m handing out full bowls of bran cereal, pre-milked.
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