Jack's Greatest Hits

I’m at the age where with most of the new music I listen to I’m not sure which name is the artist and which is the album.

“Mark my words.” - me turning in an essay

Trying to hold onto that vacation feeling.. but it’s fading baybee!

Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils or pens. No staples or paperclips in his paper. Use the sliding food carrier, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. Do you understand me?

When I was a kid restaurants were divided into smoking and second hand smoking sections.

Sorry I haven’t been very active on here the last week my 11 year old has been describing a video game to me.

Starting a Go Fund Me for the City of Houston to buy a snow plow.

I quit

Being pregnant is kind of goth because you have a skeleton inside you.

I’m going to have to throw away all these Antifa business cards aren’t I?

Maybe the internet will calm me down

Mystery Science Theater 3000 but it’s us watching the fall of America.

When we’re all political prisoners in labor camps I’ll bet I’m going to be the funny one.

If “America 2024” was a book this would be the cover.

Ewok is short for electronic wok.

Gulf of Your Mom

My coworker thinks it’s gross that I pee in the shower and I’m like fine don’t have us over for dinner anymore.

The scariest part of Psycho is when she starts the shower while standing fully naked under the water without testing the temperature first.

SPOILER ALERT “Captain America: Brave New World” is a movie about a red-orange tinged monster President that cannot control his rage and destroys the White House & embarrasses the nation. He ends up doing the right thing when confronted by a black man. My review: ridiculous & unrelatable

I didn’t realize the ukulele was loaded your honor.

🎵 We Did Start the Fire 🎶

I just need to go to bed for a few years.

at least Rush Limbaugh is still dead

This year has flown by like a passing kidney stone.