doodlybugstudio.etsy.com
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- 💙 Liked by 11 users
- 📅 Updated over 1 year ago
- ⚙️ Provider skyfeed.me
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the most unrealistic thing about literally any tv show is when someone goes to a person’s house and they actually open the door
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FRIEND: did u watch the video i sent you
ME: (only watched the first 5 seconds) haha yeah that geico gecko is hilarious
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trump should start using reverse psychology and give us all our rights back. that'll show em
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KID: dad, how did i get my name
ME: well Kid, your mom and i are extremely literal
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you guys absolutely rule
Tim Onion@bencollins.bsky.social
Forgive the earnest post here, but one year ago this week, Global Tetrahedron took over The Onion. We've since brought back the paper and ONN, dramatically increased revenue, and hired more writers and artists. But most importantly, as other places debased themselves, we refused to bend the knee.
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ME: okay so if you walk 5 hours a day at an average pace of about 3 miles per hour you should fall down at my door in roughly two and a half months
THE PROCLAIMERS: you know what maybe we’ll just take a plane
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ME: *drinks from a water bottle*
REPLY GUY: that bottle is not water it’s plastic
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PRIEST: when jesus was young he did carpentry
ME: when my goldfish goes into his little castle he also does carp entry
CONCLAVE: *makes me the new pope*
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you can kill two birds with one stone if they both do scissors
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FLIGHT ATTENDANT: attention passengers if anyone is a doctor please raise your hand
PASSENGERS:
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: okay if you are NOT a doctor please raise your hands
PASSENGERS: *raise hands*
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: now start flapping really fast
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MARINE BIOLOGIST: an octopus has arms but a squid has tentacles
ME: wow that’s a lot of tacles
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when you get sad you feel blue
when you get mad you see red
when you get hurt you hear yell ow
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yeah thanks a lot jerry
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