flambyfeed

your untimely demise now streaming on both netflix and hulu!

breaking news: free speech is actually a paid privilege

i'm late but free @dly.bsky.social like wtaf

husband: i had a nightmare you left me me: i had a nightmare one of the bedrooms in our house was trying to murder us

help i've been crushed by the weight of existence

being pregnant is half worrying you've killed the baby and half worrying the baby will kill you

sorry i've been sleeping in your crawl space for a week but i don't understand why you're firing me?

my greatest fear is being wrong about anything ever

in retrospect, liking season 8 of game of thrones was a real red flag i should not have ignored.

so annoying when you're trying to stalk someone and every ig post is just a giant fish

babies being brats while still in the womb is so on brand tbh

idc if we need a date night paying someone to sit on the baby just doesn't sound safe

sometimes the stars align and the angels sing and heaven itself cries and your boss says all you get is a pizza party

why follow your dreams when instead you can follow some guy home from the bus stop

i only got pregnant so i'll have an excuse to buy legos

you ride the rave until glowsticks are all that's left

you'll never be famous if you're not willing to crash a few high school reunions

help i've fallen and ive decided the floor is the best place for me

first date idea: bury a body together

my two greatest fears are that no one really loves me and that slugs love me too much

ice cream that screams while it's melting

feel kinda bad for butterflies, being forced out of a comfortable cocoon like that