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- 📅 Updated over 1 year ago
- ⚙️ Provider skyfeed.me
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putting in some extra work at the gym so my bullets do an additional +5 damage
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i buy two frills for the turkey legs and one for the bedroom wink wink
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OLD 1920’S PLAYWRIGHT: and there is a french character named (leans in for effect) jacques bouillabaisse
HIS SUPPORTIVE FRIEND: omg hahahaha no way bro that is FIRE
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"our presidents are sucking each other off? what even is this country?" ~someone walking into a masonic lodge in the 1800's
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the ghost who sucked off dan aykroyd in ghostbusters was likely a dead relative
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it seems like vincent price knew in his heart that the most terrifying thing of all was rhyming couplets
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ME: who am i who am i…”look, the well. do you remember?”
HER: i need to go
ME: uhh tifa LOCKHEART?? one of the most beloved characters of ALL TIME??
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babies cry to get what they want but when i cry…i also get what i want. the secret is the timbre
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trying to explain “make (thing) great again” to a buddhist monk while they respond with parables using simpler and simpler language until they just give up and punch my face off
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when i’m not online i carry around an abacus to track my irl interactions
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my biological father is attempting to make contact after discovering my account. he wants his sperm back
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my coworkers handed me a printed AI generated image of me as wham!-era george michael. they are on the cutting edge of workplace bullying
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i found this in the parking lot. are you missing a jack? count your jacks and let me know if you are a jack off
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not many people know that if you see a pickup truck that quite obviously is never used for hauling anything you are allowed to call them any slur in the book. dealer’s choice
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if someone knocks on the bathroom door while i’m using it i tell them i’m breastfeeding
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(witnessing mother lifting a fallen tree off her child) nawwp nono no. your form’s all wrong
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babe i noticed you are using 10 gemstones to seal me away for eternity are you mad at me
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unearthing an ancient tome of deep knowledge and crying about how woke it is
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so wait i thought we were already communists because we had to sometimes wear masks for a brief period that one time
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