Junk of the Heart

Sometimes I look at people's beautiful homes and nice cars and I think to myself, "Why don't you dress better?"

I would stop posting here but it's the only purely social interaction I have

You're in his DMs. He's on your marriage certificate. You're doing laundry. He's in your house. You're in your closet. He's asking for socks. You're telling him to look in his drawer. He's not seeing them. You're getting tired of his helpless routine. He's wearing two different socks.

Parents of Bluesky, do you think you have the right to be put out when my two older kids are playing on the age appropriate structure for 6-12 year olds and your barely ambulating toddler wants to be on it by themselves

Among my turnoffs: plain with cheese food orders, wire hangers, and not even attempting to recycle

It takes me all weekend to psych myself up to go to Costco on Sunday afternoon

When a random DC number texts you, you can't help but assume

He's a 10 but only in binary code

Why am I in trouble? I am not the one who let my addled husband wear a neon blue suit to the Pope's funeral

If I was your smartphone, I would be constantly at 7% with a cracked screen. FFS please plug me in once in a while and stop touching me for ten minutes

Happy Perfect Date Light Jacket Day to those who celebrate

I am here to bully Elon Musk and make jokes and I ain't feeling funny today

Some days I don my habiliments and some days my closet vomits on my person idk what this outfit is

Be so for real right now

I tell you what, I know I am not a talented baker or anything but it's so hard to gen up a homemade fake drama pie from scratch

A guy is coming out to my house to give us an estimate on goatscaping the overgrown backyard. Does he bring a goat or two with him to consult on whether or not it looks appetizing, or does he grab a menu and take it back with him

I don't care that you made a typo, an error, or even a grave mistake. It's more how you take responsibility, fix it, and buy me a bouquet of bagels afterwards while serenading me with apology songs

Look, none of us know what exactly we are saying in those Signal chats, it's casual (Find me on Signal under the name Repete Hagseth)

I know I promised never to get political on here (haha no I didn't) but the Pope is dead because JD Vance killed him, and Kristi Noem doesn't even have a good handle of the security of her own purse.

Some days you're the frog, some days you are the fancy Le Creuset frying pan about to be ruined because you didn't know how to cook a frog

I suggested to my southern mother that chili on a baked sweet potato makes a great meal and she felt my forehead to see if I was possibly delusional from a high fever