My Bangers

Me: I’m bored My refrigerator: here she comes

Welcome to your 40s, if you see a railing you grab it.

I might not be athletic, slim, or stylish but at least I forgot where I was going with this.

I was today years old when I realised that the text size of little kids' books are large for our benefit not theirs.

Whoever is stealing my socks - at least take both of them.

The cute guy at the bar leaned in close and smiled mischievously as he said “your t shirt is on inside out”. Still got it.

Dude, are you ok? You didn’t say alligator after later.

What is it called when after sleeping some more, you want to sleep some more?

Them: Can you explain this gap in your resume? Me: that was just a pause for dramatic effect.

Me: I’m eating more because I’m upset Dietitian: Dietitian: and you’re upset because I asked you to eat less? Me: Me: yes

It’s not a technical error, you’re just a moron.

Get in loser, we’re going goodwill hunting.

Welcome to your 40s, you can throw your back scrolling to your birth year.

Being lazy is environment friendly

“Oh, you’re good at this!”, me, to my bed.

At least you are getting better at screaming into the void.

Wait, calm down, let me explain. See, basically we are all very stupid.

“You don’t speak much” Well not on the outside, nope.

Once I remember the joke that I had thought of in the shower it’s all over for you guys.

“I need to interact with real people” *Starts playing online games*