Garbage In, Garbage Out

Connection is like a satellite network when the sky is cloudy. Sure, it can be spotty, but those one or two times it works make up for the ninety-eight other times the communication is completely cut off. We’re just, like, so lucky when we can network together for those several hours every year.

So You've Been Assassinated In Utah For Not Kicking The Football, Charlie Brown

The Dallas Cowboys being America’s Team™️ makes a lot of sense since neither has been impressive since the ’90s, and everyone pretends otherwise.

I’m unforgettable, like a passionate kiss followed by maniacal laughter or a picture made from the entrails of all those poor, unfortunate orphans who died in a tragic accident unrelated to the first thing. Maybe. Probably.

Turn that frown upside down and conquer the planet

Sorry I couldn't buy you a birthday present, I'm still paying 27% APR on the Whooper I financed in 2023.

Dyslxeia is stpuid, just read words rihgt idoit brian

Not liking and reposting me is political violence

If you try to shoot me, I'll simply Matrix dodge it and then karate kick your stupid face.

If an orderly causes a scene at the hospital, they can get arrested for disorderly conduct.

Ignorance is bliss, and I'll happily die on that hill.

Current events are crazy. I got fired from my firing squad job for calling Charlie Kirk a twatwaffle on my Discord account. Now I'm being electrocuted to death, which brings us back to current events.

The past is dead, the future doesn't exist, and the present is a disappointing pair of socks on Christmas Day when you just wanted a Pepsi. Just one Pepsi.

Sure, things might be bad now, but they'll also be bad in the future.

First they came for Jimmy Kimmel, and I did not speak out because I'm not a fan. Anyway, I forget how the rest of the poem goes but I'm sure things will be fine.

People are asking me a lot of questions about my every acquisition is a confession shirt that are already answered by my shirt. So I'm having them executed.

A barber in a bridal party is a groomsman in more than one way.

Be careful what you say. The free speech absolutists are watching to make sure you don't say the wrong thing.

How dare you speak ill of the dead by quoting the words they said when they were alive, you monster.

Keyboard warriors imply the existence of organ necromancers, piano mages, synthesizer druids, and harpsichord clerics.

Memories are ghosts, and bustin makes me feel good.

A cannibal gets Sailor Mercury poisoning in an unaired episode of Sailor Moon. My source is I made it up