My Post Dumpster

Why don't you want to see this ad? □ Sensitive topic □ Not relevant to my interests ✅️ I don't want every second of my life to be monetized by blood sucking parasites

A guy asked me if I wanted a pamphlet and I said brochure.

HER, FLIRTING: *Spins a bottle* ME, TRYING TO BUILD A MINIATURE SHIP: Oh no

MOVIE VILLAIN: We're not so different you and I. ME: *Whispering loudly to everyone watching the movie* They're both vowels.

Tetris taught me that trying to fit in will make you disappear.

How to build a nested list 1) Start like this A) Then do this Bird: I live here now 2) Make sure to get the bird out Bird: NO

Ace of Base and the Lords of Acid meet in a bar and neutralize each other

Ain't no party like a double negative party, because a double negative party won't not stop

If Godzilla had a son his name would be Jesuszilla, obviously.

The fact that Kermit isn't a tadpole in the Muppet Babies is why I have trust issues

I want to install a speaker system on my lighthouse so when it guides ships to shore it can start playing a siren song at the last minute.

What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper? A BATTLE ZEBRA YOU FOOL, MY DEADLY STEED HAS KILLED AGAIN ON THE BATTLEFIELD!

FRIEND WHO JUST GOT BIT BY A VERY VENOMOUS SPIDER: Hurry, the antidote! ME: This reminds me of a time FRIEND: No, not an anecdote! *Dies*

Hi I'm Ben Franklin and this is Jackass! *Flies a kite in a thunder storm*

BAND: Are you ready to rock? ME, PLAYING ROCK PAPER SCISSORS: I'm not telling

HER: My daughter is named Nevaeh which is heaven spelled backwards. ME: *Phone rings* Hold on my son Elohssa is calling

1 like = 1 vignette I'll write about a long forgotten place lost to time itself

Are you smarter than a 5th grader? No, stop asking

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn girl aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare you here to fix my keyboaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase it's broken

"Let's make this lighthouse a lighthome" I whisper to myself as I become a weird hermit.

"How long has it been since I watched that cursed videotape?" I mumble to myself absent-mindedly. The girl from the Ring comes out of my television and puts a Barenaked Ladies record on. The song starts IT'S BEEN ONE WEEK

Humans are social creatures and I hate that for us