yeah ok

*being murdered* It’s because I’m wearing Drakkar Noir, isn’t it?

If thou art lustful, let us engage, Ride it, mine own steed, Mine saddle doth await, Come hither and mount it.

Convenience is the most powerful motivator of the human race. People will pick convenience over anything else.

Breath mints are to our mouth what urinal cakes are to a urinal.

Let’s light up some effigies and sing Sweet Caroline.

Stop sheltering them and just let baby carrots grow.

Been there

I’m head over heels only because I’m falling down the stairs.

*kicks open door* ME WANT CHICKY TENDIES!

Tattooed with indifference, scarred with regrets.

*sings Kokomo at your candlelight vigil*

You’re in her DMs, I’m playing solitaire Jenga. We are not the same.

Is there anything creepier than hearing an ice cream truck at two in the morning?

I’m all mouth and no trousers.

*flicks cigarette* A dream is a wish your heart makes, dumbass

Her uncanny vibe could fill a valley.

I shared pictures of my milk bags today.

*matrix dodges the life lesson*

The one closest to the sky is most likely to get eaten by the pterodactyl.

Nostalgia is a bear trap.

The internet is both the void and its own filler simultaneously.