BurritoBrandManager

Brand manager is pretty mad that I'm calling them brand manager. I'm sorry Todd. I'll do better. He's just mad because he used to help out that taco dog on X before they fired him. #burritobrandmanager

Todd has informed he wasn't fired he was let go because the taco dog died. RIP taco dog. #burritobrandmanager

Here are pictures of cats to boost engagement. I'm not supposed to mention that dude I talked about earlier. #burritobrandmanageristhreateningtoeatmeifidontcomplysendhelp

I'm asking for your contacts on naked and afraid. So I can get on the show to boost engagement. I'm not held hostage. Todd left #burritobrandmanagerdoesntreadhashtagspleasesendhelp

We are not...I mean I'm not bored. #burritobrandmanager

Todd is out in the street on a razor scooter showing me tricks I should record to build my brand. This is the last time I put out a thing on craigslist for brand manager #burritobrandmanager

In a fun twist of fate I'm clear of the brand manager. Turns out he can't do backflips on a scooter. He thought not wearing a helmet made it look cooler. Let's hope he forgets that I didn't pay him. #burritobrandmanager

So a good news bad news situation. The brand manager is going to be in the hospital for a while. So I actually have to work since this isn't my job making tweets. How do you humans do this? #burritobrandmanager

Last time on #burritobrandmanager burrito had hired Todd from Craigslist to manage it's brand. Todd was not happy to be called brand manager. Attempted to get burrito to do things to grow their brand. Todd was showing razer scooter tricks and managed to land on his head and end up hospitalized.

Brand manager is probably going to ask for less posts about buttholes. Which is lame. Probably universally the best and funniest part about humans. #burritobrandmanager

Oh great brand manager is out of the hospital and told me he is coming over later. Probably want less posts about butts and more about some new fad. #burritobrandmanager

Hope you're enjoying music Monday. Todd came in frothing at the mouth and ready to build my brand. He said he has something called buffer that he can save my drafts and things I say in....I don't understand it but he's visibly erect talking about it. #burritobrandmanager

Also for the new followers Todd is my brand manager I got off of craigslist. he is a little manic...has some wacky ideas and tried to a backflip on a razor scooter last week and was knocked out for some time. He's here until I hit 1000k followers or he dies I think. #burritobrandmanager

Todd still thinks I need a sponsorship. Who would sponsor a sentient burrito? #burritobrandmanager

Final one for the day. Julien Baker - The Modern Leper (Frightened Rabbit cover) I sent Todd home...turns out I have actual brand manager. They are way cooler than todd. It's a good thing I couldn't handle that all week with Todd. #burritobrandmanager

Also say hello to @s-jsmith.bsky.social the new #burritobrandmanager they are way cooler than Todd. Who cried for a half hour about not having a job.

I would like to thank #burritobrandmanager @s-jsmith.bsky.social for all of their hard work.

This is why @s-jsmith.bsky.social is the #burritobrandmanager

Hey @s-jsmith.bsky.social suppose if I keep posting about buttholes I'll get on the discover page more often? #burritobrandmanager

Chaz is pretty mad at you for saying that. Apparently he is my new drummer. @s-jsmith.bsky.social #burritobrandmanager figured it would help pull in musicians. *Drumroll* He only knows drumrolls and rimshots though.