Funny AF

Smells like pumpkin spice spirit.

True patriots don’t ask others to choose between football and their funeral.

getting together with old friends i haven't seen in years has been going like this: "oh also it turns out i'm autistic" "me too!!!!!" and neither party is surprised

you don’t have to wait til Halloween to tell you ghost stories I WANT TO HEAR THEM NOW

if a chicken has boneless wings, I will not be eating that chicken. it is clearly sick.

The world: imploding, fighting, spiraling. Me: here’s a nice picture of my cat, you’re welcome.

How will I know the difference between people getting raptured or getting picked up by aliens on Tuesday? Just curious

Hypothetically I think I could take Stephen Miller in the octagon

"Which of these common household items terrifies you the most?" - dating a horror writer

I wear my birthday party hat at a jaunty angle, so I'm ready for a spontaneous party, or a night out on the town.

What is the weirdest thing you snack on? It doesn’t have to be an unusual food, but you might eat it a different way. Mine would be dry Cheerios or random chips dipped in plain sour cream.

My apologies but I cannot, in good conscience, have a good conscience.

I love fall so much but emotionally I am not prepared for it yet

I'm weirder than AI art, so there's that.

My raptor ruptured my rapture.

Beeswax? More like BOOswax kitchentableworks.etsy.com

the types of dread: 1. locs 2. naught 3. judge 4. ful 5. Sunday night

let’s start calling sweatpants, pajama pants, and any other non-constricting soft pants “boneless pants”

Cocaine so white it puts down not one, but two separation bars on the grocery store checkout conveyor.

whenever I sleep over at my best friend’s house, her 4yo son always comes to my room (sometimes in the middle of the night) to lend me one of his stuffies 🥹 he is the only person in this world who truly loves me