random.

Listen, I don't know why I am itchy all the time, I just am. Now are you going to pass me the sacred severed hand or not?

Sorry I ruined your birthday by being sad and disabled.

Wearing shape wear but only so I fit in the overhead carry-on bin.

The only thing we be dunking on here is some doughnuts (stupid fried rings of useless dough).

"Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins." Uh, pretty sure that is just a White Claw, bro.

Not all of us can be pretty, sweetheart. Some of us have to be the heads where the flies lay the eggs instead.

I think about ending my life every day but in a grand elaborate musical number kind of way.

That feeling when you realize all you will ever inherit from your parents is their suicidal ideation.

Hey boy, come on over, let's fill out some forms (not a euphemism).

I'm a cyst I'm a carbuncle I'm a lesion I'm a boil Watch me fill your pores with oil

I don't have anything to say today so please sit back, relax, and enjoy the smooth, sweet sounds of the saxophone.

Irritable bowel suicide drone.

Free to a loving home, preferably made up of trampolines.

Roses are red Violets are blue It is in the throat That I consider punching you

Dewey Decimal Classification for my various secretions

Thank you for tolerating me as best you can, like the skin tag that has recently developed between your forefinger and thumb.

If a girl says she's into you, it means the parasite has already started to burrow.

When the going gets tough, the tough can be dissolved in a vat of acid.

It's your party and oh don't worry I'll cry here too.

Whoa, we're halfway there Whoa oh, getting mauled by a bear