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- š Updated 10 months ago
- āļø Provider skyfeed.me
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A McChicken, a McFish, and fries with hot mustard should McFix me
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Meant to post this yesterdayā¦belated Sunday selfie
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Baby, call me a mongoose and feed me your snake
- sexting while watching Animal Planet
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Making the mundanity of life seem more exciting by rephrasing everyday tasks:
āStarting a fire in my apartment just to surviveā
(Turning on the stove to cook dinner)
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Stop kink shaming, start kink blaming, and letās be realā¦it probably has something to do with your parents
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Two Sunday selfiesā¦one from earlier, heading out for day 2 of the tulip festival, and the second from now, going to pick up sushi for dinner
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Been in the city long enough to start doing things twiceā¦my 2nd Annual Tulip Festival (Albanyās 77th):
š§µ1/2
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These are the squirrels my landlord pulled out of my wall this eveningā¦.itās been a fun day
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Since almost everybody Iāve ever dated has been super into Star Wars, May 4th is just a yearly reminder of all the guys who ended up being Sith Lords instead of Jedis
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Normalize masturbating to Food Network because self care is important
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Having your cake and eating it too sounds good, but eating someone elseās cake is definitely more fun
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Mountains do the dew and 1920s dance crazes do the chew
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Hey, this is Mikeā¦I know many Mikes, but this is one of my favorites. Heās promised to make a list of his top 700 movies, and Iām sure you wonāt wanna miss out on that, so follow for his views of the cinematic universe and antics galore
Mike P ā ļø@masterofgum.bsky.social
Me: <running through Publix parking lot> Wife: why are you running like that? Me: I'M SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! Wife: you're 49! Me: <does summersault into the side of the cart return corral> Wife to self: never should have bought him red shoes. #Sonicthehedgehog #shoes #Publix #summersault
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Just demolished 2 lbs of crab legsā¦this Monday wasnāt so bad after all
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My office had an egg hunt on Friday, where I found 16 small plastic eggs, making me the winner. My prizeā¦
a large plastic egg
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Waking up in a cold sweat only to discover the nightmare you were just having has become reality and it is in factā¦Monday
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I missed my past couple Sunday selfie posts, soā¦.a 3-for-1
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On a gloomy Saturday morning, the rain gently taps on the window panes as our protagonist awakens to find herself facing a perpetual dilemma that has plagued her life as long as she can rememberā¦.how to get coffee without having to leave the bed
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Thereās very few joys in life greater than ordering a 4-piece mcnugget and receiving a bonus fifth one nobody wanted me to have
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