Best of Goose

For every like, I’ll eat a piece of cheese for you.

The void is expecting breakfast to be served. The void is not amused by my meowing.

“Still punk,” she mumbles, while making chamomile tea in a skull and crossbones mug.

At this point, it seems abundantly clear that future-me has not built a time machine.

If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t tell anyone, but there would be signs

I picture all of you as muppets. I thought you should know.

There are some amazing languages that have words with no English equivalent. Today’s word is kummerspeck. The weight gained from emotionally overeating. Literal translation is “grief bacon”.

Some days it feels like my life only has two modes: Being asleep when I want to be awake. Being awake when I want to be asleep.

Please, never stop doing what you do

Instant Time Machine: Grilled cheese and tomato soup on a rainy day.

I’m not overeating, I’m feeding the wolves inside me

Not to brag, but I can drain my emotional battery, social battery, mental battery and phone battery before I even get out of bed.

Ya know what this (fill in the blank) needs? Cheese. -me, probably

Time to slip into something more comfortable… Like a medically induced coma.

A moment of silence for the 23 skeets that I discarded for the sake of protecting your timeline

I’d rather not be verified. Let’s keep the mystery, allure and anonymity alive… Is she a person? Is she a goose? Is she 1000 monkeys with typewriters? Is she 1000 sloths with smartphones? Did she really eat all that cheese? I won’t lie, but we’re all better off not knowing the whole truth.

This made the fact that it is Monday a little more palatable.

I’m not actually sleepy, I just don’t want to be awake anymore.

How much ground would a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?

Some days, Erin is my only reason for opening social media.