NOICE

How could you not be impressed by a bird in your yard? This dude can fly anywhere and it came here to hang out with you

elon musk is getting mad at grok now

The biggest sign of how catastrophically the X brand has failed is that in Kanye West’s Heil Hitler song he still calls it Twitter

Gf and I thought about doing a portmanteau of our surnames when we get married but that would be Bagel. I can't be Mr Bagel

i like what the knicks have been doing on defense. the sooner they score, the sooner the ref lets you have the ball, arguably the most valuable item in the game

Need him

i was playing basketball with my buddy and he just could not miss a shot, didn’t matter where he was on the floor. he must have shot 20 for 20. after the game, for no real reason, he picked up the ball and flung it backwards over his head, easily 40 feet in the air and 40 feet from the goal. swish

what happened to dandruff, like, culturally? when I was a kid you couldn’t go more than ten minutes without seeing a man in a tv commercial ostracized from polite society because of dandruff flakes on the shoulder of his black jacket. I haven’t thought about dandruff in 25 years

good ending: os eua estão presos num episódio de looney tunes

Do you remember the hardest you've ever laughed at anything

boa tarde meninas

Kid1: My dad is an actor Kid2: He's good. I thought he was your real dad

please direct all inquiries to my associate

i just made a broccoli salad so good the ghost of my Aunt Judy appeared and presented me with the treasured family Tupperware bowl

Not to sure about the current Republican messaging of "children don't want too many toys, they want to work in factories and be racist". Just looking back on my own childhood, I feel like I probably would have gone with the toys.

Meu deus passou por aqui os americanos discutindo se o papa na verdade é preto porque tem avos creole de nova orleans hahahahaha

ME: *folding laundry* ugh another sock is missing PUPPET ON MY HAND: how does that keep happening

the lesson of Sinners is that there should be two Michael B. Jordans and they should be locked in a room with me

is a spiderweb the spider’s house or restaurant

KANYE: yeah i'm just sayinnn ok, just cause nobody else is being honest like i am about MY self, you can't say i'm the ONLY one who would use a time machine to do, not supposed to say what, to baby hitler. molest GAVIN NEWSOM: So you're from Chicago, any chance of a collab with the new pope? Ha Ha

como não lembro como se flerta vou simplesmente te colocar em minhas preces

there oughta be a law against mildly inconveniencing me