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my posts in ascending order, beginning with my very first.

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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
i was promised there would be skeet?
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
me when I first wake up
cat in bathrobe with towel over hair, posing coyly in front of a vanity with perfume bottles and an old-fashioned fan. lots of pink.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
I’ve made a horrible mistake. I reached out to some old friends today that I haven’t spoken to in a while and now they are messaging me back.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
My therapist said it’s healthy to cry. that’s why I do it every day now.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
I love dogs but what’s with the barking, profound insecurity & zero boundaries. I explicitly told them I get claustrophobic. I get it: you exist. My alligator-hunting cat would never grandstand nor debase himself in this manner.
Tuxedo cat in harness camouflaging himself as he hunts for gators
Gator-hunter sits in contemplation
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
I haven’t seen some of you in seven months— SEVEN MONTHS. I could have had a baby with jaundice and underdeveloped lungs by now were it not for the hysterectomy plus I’m 41 so at higher risk of miscarriage— anyway, I really missed most of you guys!
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
No no— don’t put the 60-minutes-to-cook meal in the oven now— you’re not even hungry! Wait a few more hours until you’ve begun gnawing at the juiciest pieces of your own flesh.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
“I feel the way a woman likely feels in an 18th century English novel shortly before she’s sent away to the country for a few weeks to stay with distant relatives because the fresh air and sunshine might improve her health and disposition” is a perfectly normal response to “how are you today?”
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
Social media’s perpetual yet growing dilemma: I know too many people but I don’t remember who most of them are
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
Guns don’t kill people; I kill people. It was me the whole entire time.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
“rock bottom” can be difficult to define, as it’s different for everyone. I find it helps to offer metaphors or examples, for instance: tucker carlson went on russell brand’s podcast this week
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
I’m sorry, but if you’ve changed anything about your name or appearance, I have no idea who you are and we’ll have to build a new relationship from the ground up.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
If you live in Australia and have not messaged me back, the jig is up. I googled what times it is there tomorrow right now. I know everything.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy. Not a selfie.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
“Are you okay?” “No. Why? Did I seem okay before?”
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
Wow. Okay. When you said “afternoon delight” I assumed you were asking if I wanted to go to the grand opening of that Italian place over by state highway 3541. Christ on a cross— I’m a millennial, Arthur
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
Sometimes, I think I have had enough personal embarrassment for one lifetime, but then I’m all like, “No.” [rises from chair] NO.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
Probably Huckabee because I told him to go jump in a lake, and he got me suspended for threatening his life. Rare instance that an appeal worked within hours. Told Twitter I *assumed* he could swim.

What’s your favorite instance of a celebrity blocking you on Twitter?

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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
It absolutely disgusts me that Elon ever had anything to do with PayPal— not to mention the slimy fascist Peter Thiel. I’m sure it disgusts you, too. Feel free to send all of your tainted PayPal monies to my account and I will dispose of them quickly.
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
tfw you skeet something a wee bit coded so you won’t get in trouble for it, but then no one can decode it because, once again, you took things too far. I think I’d be great at writing coded messages during wartime tho and I stand by that
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Brosephine “Heleny” Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
almost 2 years ago
I’m an atheist. I only worship the devil to disappoint my parents.
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