I love dogs but what’s with the barking, profound insecurity & zero boundaries. I explicitly told them I get claustrophobic. I get it: you exist. My alligator-hunting cat would never grandstand nor debase himself in this manner.
I haven’t seen some of you in seven months— SEVEN MONTHS. I could have had a baby with jaundice and underdeveloped lungs by now were it not for the hysterectomy plus I’m 41 so at higher risk of miscarriage— anyway, I really missed most of you guys!
No no— don’t put the 60-minutes-to-cook meal in the oven now— you’re not even hungry! Wait a few more hours until you’ve begun gnawing at the juiciest pieces of your own flesh.
“I feel the way a woman likely feels in an 18th century English novel shortly before she’s sent away to the country for a few weeks to stay with distant relatives because the fresh air and sunshine might improve her health and disposition” is a perfectly normal response to “how are you today?”
“rock bottom” can be difficult to define, as it’s different for everyone. I find it helps to offer metaphors or examples, for instance: tucker carlson went on russell brand’s podcast this week
I’m sorry, but if you’ve changed anything about your name or appearance, I have no idea who you are and we’ll have to build a new relationship from the ground up.
Wow. Okay. When you said “afternoon delight” I assumed you were asking if I wanted to go to the grand opening of that Italian place over by state highway 3541. Christ on a cross— I’m a millennial, Arthur
Probably Huckabee because I told him to go jump in a lake, and he got me suspended for threatening his life. Rare instance that an appeal worked within hours. Told Twitter I *assumed* he could swim.
It absolutely disgusts me that Elon ever had anything to do with PayPal— not to mention the slimy fascist Peter Thiel. I’m sure it disgusts you, too. Feel free to send all of your tainted PayPal monies to my account and I will dispose of them quickly.
tfw you skeet something a wee bit coded so you won’t get in trouble for it, but then no one can decode it because, once again, you took things too far. I think I’d be great at writing coded messages during wartime tho and I stand by that